In the Evening

Friday music recommendation: Duet edition

2009-10-02T14:02:00.004-05:00

Watching this week's episode of Glee, I was reminded yet again how much I adore male/female duets. Kristin Chenoweth and Matthew Morrison rocking out karaoke-style to Heart's "Alone" made me sit up straighter, open my eyes wider, and strain my ears to catch every note. Here it is below if you missed it (a better version can be found in the full episode, which you can watch on Hulu):

Embedded below are my very favorite male/female duets, in no particular order since I cherish each and every one of them:

Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash, "It Ain't Me Babe" (actually, it's pretty much a three-way tie between this, "Jackson," and "If I Were A Carpenter")

Slow Club, "Christmas TV"

Gentle, folky, sweet, and charming. I must have listened to this song 30 or 40 times in the span of a week. It still hasn't gotten old.

The Postal Service, "Nothing Better"

Still makes me tear up, years after my first listen. The part that gets me is her "Just back away and let me go" followed by his "I can't, my darling, I love you so." God, this one is heartrending if you've been through a difficult breakup; it paints such a realistic picture of the dissolution of a relationship.

Rhett Miller and Rachael Yamagata, "Fireflies"

Another sweet, wistful tune about love lost. I've loved both of these artists so fiercely for so many years now, it's no wonder I'm crazy about this duet.

Stars, "Your Ex-Lover Is Dead"

When I first heard these lyrics, I was dumbstruck; I was finally healing from a major heartbreak, and the song described so perfectly how I felt at that moment in time: "You were what I wanted / I gave what I gave / I'm not sorry I met you / I'm not sorry it's over / I'm not sorry there's nothing to save." I still feel that way, and the song still speaks to me as strongly as it did the first time I heard it.

Chairlift, "Bruises"

Pamie first brought this song to my attention a few months ago, and it makes me smile. It's as simple as that. Just a fun, sweet, swoony song. :)

Rachael Yamagata also sings a duet with Ray LaMontagne on her latest album (the song is called "Duet," naturally) that's absolutely stunning, but the only videos out there feature Rachael solo. That's obviously not a bad thing, but to get the full effect, you really need to listen to the original version of the song on the album.

Any other male/female duets I should add to my list?

Things I'm looking forward to

2009-09-24T15:35:00.003-05:00

--Upcoming concerts
--Honeycrisp apples
--Pomegranates
--Fuzzy sweaters
--Mulled (spiked?) cider
--Snuggling under blankets in bed
--Winter soups - chili, chowder, bisque, stew, curry; you name it, I'll make it.
--Hot chocolate
--Sitting in front of a crackling fire and listening to music
--The Haunt House
--A possible trip to New York in November to spend time with my best friend, who I haven't seen in over 2 years
--Planning my birthday trip to Portland
--Pumpkin coconut rum soup (yumyumyumyum. yum.)
--Potential out-of-town photo excursions (Glen Rose? Tyler again?)
--Leaves crackling underfoot
--The trees in our front yard doing this again
--Long walks with Callie in cool, crisp fall air

Can you tell that I love fall? I guess my mom named me appropriately.

Fitness for couch potatoes

2009-06-28T16:10:00.003-05:00

Something strange has happened. I've exercised the last five days in a row, and... and... I'm not sick of it! In fact, I'm looking forward to working out again tomorrow! How can this be, you ask? What could possibly have happened to make me abandon the couch and willingly sweat, indoors, in the middle of a brutal Texas summer heatwave? That's easy: I bought a Wii Fit.

Yes, yes, it's a little sad that it's taken a video game to get me past my couch-potato ways. But I've already made peace with the fact that my willpower is pathetically low, and something had to give. Now, I feel like getting into decent shape isn't such a distant possibility. The way the game works, you're forced to take it slowly and work your way up, and the variety of activities ensures that you don't get bored easily. It records your progress, both your weight/BMI and your individual activity scores, so you're encouraged every time you score a little higher or your weight's a little lower. The game even reminds you to rest and hydrate and gives you cute little affirmations when you hit certain milestones.

For someone like me who requires constant encouragement and gets bored quickly, Wii Fit is ideal. I know that if I work on an activity enough, I'll unlock a new difficulty (say, extra reps or an "advanced" setting), which satisfies my need for a challenge. And the more effort I put in, the more games I unlock in the four categories (Yoga, Strength Exercises, Aerobic Exercises, and Balance Games), which means I have options each time I work out -- essential for someone with the attention span of an over-caffeinated goldfish. The way Wii Fit is designed, you're guaranteed to find at least a few activities that continue to keep your interest after a few workouts.

I really can't recommend this game highly enough. I'm less than a week in, but I feel confident that I'll continue to find it useful and fun for months and years to come. It puts a lot of emphasis on balance and posture and focuses on strengthening your core, which is something I definitely need to work on. And it's just, well, cute. Without being cutesy. I'm still in awe that a game like this exists. I want to invite everyone I know over so they can try it out for themselves. Wii Fit party, perhaps?

Like the season

2009-06-01T10:40:00.003-05:00

Autumn. A-U-T-U-M-N. That's my name. I happen to like it. I think it's unusual enough to be memorable.

So why do people consistently call me Amber? (or April, or August, or...take your pick, really)

This happens with alarming frequency. This morning, for instance, a woman I've known and worked with for the past four years called me Amber. On Friday, someone called me Auburn on my voicemail after he'd had the opportunity to hear my name spoken twice (on my boss's voicemail message and then mine). The week before, another person I've worked with for years called me April. Almost every day, someone gets my name wrong. At an all-day meeting a few weeks ago, one guy even called me Amber, April, AND August throughout the day. He finally asked me to spell my name to help him remember.

Seriously: this happens almost every single day. And I can't figure it out! WHY is it so difficult to remember a name like 'Autumn'? Anyone out there have a clue? Because it's driving me crazy.

Catch-up...and a Monday music recommendation!

2009-04-27T12:26:00.002-05:00

Hey, I have a blog! Whaddya know?

Sorry for the lapse in posting. I've been buried under a deluge of work, personal obligations, and, well, Twitter. (I have to blame Twitter here, just a little bit. It's the only way I can stay connected to the world these days.)

Since I last posted, I've traveled to Florida to surprise my friend Carley at her bridal shower (she's getting married this Saturday!), bought a new Nikon D60 and taken it out on a couple of test runs, and...completely and utterly failed to keep up with my fitness regimen. Damn. I knew that wouldn't last. BUT! I'm going to get back on track. See, there are these wooded hiking trails! And there's a bike to ride! And the dog needs walking! I need these exclamation points to get me motivated!

Outside of work and spending time with family, I've pretty much been confined to the computer screen (see?) and the TV (sad, I know). It's not all bad, though. Extensive couch time means I've been able to keep up with some of the best shows on TV right now (I'm looking at you, Breaking Bad and In Treatment... not to mention Lost. And the nonstop hilarity of How I Met Your Mother and new show Party Down). And I keep discovering new music, thanks to Twitter. Gotta love those Blip.fm recommendations!

Speaking of music, I finally caught up to the rest of the world and figured out that Amanda Fucking Palmer is a mad genius. I don't know what took me this long, but I'm now completely obsessed. Besotted, even. She's amazing - so creative and talented and fearless and strong and balls-out awesome. See for yourself:

"Leeds United"

"Oasis" (possibly the cheeriest song about date rape and abortion that you'll ever hear)

"Astronaut"

"What's the Use of Won'drin'?" (the video for this is so great)

Quick info on AFP: Amanda is one half of the piano-drums duo The Dresden Dolls (self-described as "punk cabaret;" she's the piano half). Ben Folds produced her solo album, Who Killed Amanda Palmer? (a riff on Twin Peaks's "Who Killed Laura Palmer?" tagline, dontcha know!), and Neil Gaiman is writing stories to accompany photos in her forthcoming book, also titled Who Killed Amanda Palmer? God...what can I say about this woman that hasn't already been said? I mean, she performed a cover of "Creep" in the back of a London taxicab (part of the utterly brilliant Black Cab Sessions) with a ukulele and a cast on her foot! Here are some great shots taken by Mind On Fire at the secret LA show she played recently for her Twitter fans.

Okay, last Amanda video, I promise! Here's her (brilliant) plea to be dropped from her record label, with whom she's famously clashed a few times:

Before I go, I have one last treat for you. Remember Snakes on a Plane? Well, here's the famous line...edited for TV. Oh, to be in the room when this line was conceived.

Seriously.

"I have had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday-to-Friday plane!"

Awesome.

Anodyne

2009-04-02T10:17:00.004-05:00

Sometimes, when I'm feeling tired and discouraged, I read this poem and feel uplifted. It grounds me; makes me feel blessed to live in this body, as imperfect as it is.

I hope it brings you a little peace today.

"Anodyne"
Yusef Komunyakaa

I love how it swells
into a temple where it is
held prisoner, where the god
of blame resides. I love
slopes & peaks, the secret
paths that make me selfish.
I love my crooked feet
shaped by vanity & work
shoes made to outlast
belief. The hardness
coupling milk it can't
fashion. I love the lips,
salt & honeycomb on the tongue.
The hair holding off rain
& snow. The white moons
on my fingernails. I love
how everything begs
blood into song & prayer
inside an egg. A ghost
hums through my bones
like Pan's midnight flute
shaping internal laws
beside a troubled river.
I love this body
made to weather the storm
in the brain, raised
out of the deep smell
of fish & water hyacinth,
out of rapture & the first
regret. I love my big hands.
I love it clear down to the soft
quick motor of each breath,
the liver's ten kinds of desire
& the kidney's lust for sugar.
This skin, this sac of dung
& joy, this spleen floating
like a compass needle inside
nighttime, always divining
West Africa's dusty horizon.
I love the birthmark
posed like a fighting cock
on my right shoulder blade.
I love this body, this
solo & ragtime jubilee
behind the left nipple,
because I know I was born
to wear out at least
one hundred angels.

(Listen to Komunyakaa read his work here)

Seriously, where does the time go?

2009-03-24T18:34:00.003-05:00

I meant to post on Sunday, but I seem to be too exhausted to think or write coherently these days. What little motivation I do have is going into friends, family, and the necessities of life. Which isn't so bad, really!

Anyway, here's a list of last week's highlights:

-Irish car bombs on St. Patrick's Day
-Drunken Skyping
-This hilarious product, which is now known as "ball chin"
-Tullamore Dew whiskey
-Tentative plans for a summer road trip with friends
-Caramelized onions
-Lemon-lime white chocolate
-Serenity at midnight
-A long walk with Callie in perfect dusklight
-The long-awaited Battlestar Galactica finale, which, despite certain quibbles, was gorgeous and moving and complete
-Lots and lots of laughter

Week in review

2009-03-15T23:04:00.006-05:00

This week was pretty crappy, what with the constant, oppressive rain and the tire that disintegrated while I was on the highway and the onslaught of deadlines at work. It wasn't all bad in the balance, though. Here's what brought me a little joy this week:

--Making exciting travel plans that shall remain a secret until I've returned
--The new TV, which continues to dazzle
--The fact that I managed to stay in a pretty good mood all week despite getting dumped on for the majority of it
--Impromptu Gloria's with my mom and stepdad
--Jay getting Callie's infinite dorkiness on video
--Archer Farms chicken sausage lasagna (with walnut pesto cream sauce...oh man)
--An unexpected Skype concert with Portland friends; man, can Jason sing!
--Playing the viola again, even though I was so nervous I couldn't stop shaking
--The first part of Battlestar Galactica's two-part finale. Chills!
--Finding out that Twisted Root is now open and immediately heading there for lunch
--Hosting the little sibs and indulging in Rock Band, pizza, and Bubba Ho-tep

In other (boring) news, I'm really hoping to get back into a regular exercise schedule this week; I've discovered that I don't adhere to my plan very well when I'm stressed out and overworked. But I have faith! Somewhere deep down, I'm determined. I can do this!

...Wow.

2009-03-15T00:41:00.003-05:00

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

I have no idea how this was done, but I'm simultaneously awed, horrified, thrilled, disgusted, intrigued, impressed, and flummoxed. That means it's good art, right?

The week in review

2009-03-08T18:22:00.002-05:00

This week, I thought it'd be more difficult to come up with a list of good things; in the balance, the week felt like a decidedly shitty one. But when I started looking back, I realized that there were some great moments in there that made me smile. Here they are:

--The first signs of spring, my favorite season -- the season for airy sunlit walks, gentle breezes (please, Texas?), and sweet smells (I can't wait to breathe in the honeysuckle again!)
--Irish coffee and the best. brownies. ever. (thank you, Dorie Greenspan!)
--Discovering that Twisted Root burgers will soon be a mere 10 minutes away from me
--Getting yet another chance to see my little brother play the cello (his vibrato is awesome)
--Having a long conversation full of giggles with my best friend El, still the only person I can be 100% honest with
--After five weeks or so without a TV, finding out that we'll soon be getting a new one for free. Did I mention that said TV will be twice the size of the old one?
--Coming up with ridiculously funny ideas with Jay and Jason (that are probably only funny to us, come to think of it)
--Getting out of town for a day to take photos at Possum Kingdom Lake/State Park. We saw white-tailed deer darting, a frightened armadillo fleeing, a flock of turkeys rustling their way into the trees, dozens of beautiful hawks braving the strong winds, and a herd of cows lounging by the shore. Even though it was windy and cloudy, I can't think of a place I'd rather have been. Drinking Pinot Noir by the shore of the lake at sunset with awesome company more than made up for any work-related assiness this week.
--Satisfying a sudden urge for gelato by ordering a cup of Mediterranean Sea Salt Caramel (aka Best Gelato Flavor Ever Devised) at Paciugo

See? Not bad at all!

The week in review

2009-03-01T15:36:00.006-06:00

Pretty much every Sunday, I spend half the day dreading the upcoming work week instead of actually enjoying what's left of the weekend. It sucks. So I've decided to start making a list of all the bright spots in my week -- whatever's sparked a little joy in the midst of the drudgery. Here's what was cool about my week:

--Getting to spend time with my little sister on her 11th birthday and thinking how strange and wonderful it is that I got to see her take her first breath
--This recipe for chicken braised in Scotch and Major Grey chutney. Words fail.
--The Beaucoup Berries chocolate bar from Dagoba, one small, perfect bite at a time
--My new phone! It's made of awesome.
--Starting a new photography project that will serve as a chronicle of all the days before I move and (I hope) make them more memorable. I savor any chance to live more consciously, to be more present and aware. This is one way to do that.
--Spending quality time with my amazing mom; we always have so much fun together
--Realizing how cool it is that we've started a tradition based on $3 margaritas
--Seeing Slumdog Millionaire for the first time and not being disappointed despite all the hype
--Making plans to take a photography trip next weekend
--Sprawling out by a fire on a cold night, drinking in Dvorak and Berlioz and Holst and feeling my whole body expand with the beauty of it
--Pomegranate saketinis (an idea that came to me early in the week) in my beloved green martini glasses
--A certain upcoming visit from certain Portlanders being confirmed (with certainty) :)

The future of television?

2009-02-27T16:09:00.001-06:00

About a month ago, Television Without Pity conducted an interview with actor-writer-director-producer-creative genius Peter Berg. You know, the guy who's responsible for bringing the incomparable Friday Night Lights to our screens. He talked a bit about some of his previous work, including a short-lived show called Wonderland that I really, really want to watch now. I love Berg's style, at least what I've seen of it -- it's natural and unpretentious and very true to life. He draws some amazing performances out of his actors, too; just look at the subtle, stunning work Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton have turned in on FNL. (God, I'm such a fangirl for that show.)

What interested me most about the interview were Berg's thoughts on the direction he thinks television is headed -- specifically, away from "appointment television" and advertising blocks and toward a more viewer-driven, on-demand model.

TWoP: Considering the way the TV landscape has changed over the years since Wonderland came out, do you foresee more and more quality work like Wonderland or Friday Night Lights ending up on cable, whether it's basic cable or premium cable, as opposed to network?

PB: I definitely foresee things changing. I just shot an ad campaign for Hulu and got to meet the folks that run that company, and I think that's clearly the way of the future. "Must-see" television is a thing of the past in terms of people watching television when the network dictates. People are gonna watch it how they want to watch it, and when they want to watch it and where they want to watch it. That's number one: television on-demand -- where, when and how. And I think we'll see more private sponsorship. I think we're actually going to return to the old days of television, when shows were sponsored by single products, and that those shows will then have multiple distribution and streaming outlets.

I think he's really onto something here; it's been clear for quite a while that the TV industry is way behind technology and audiences' viewing preferences. It's extremely frustrating when beloved, critically acclaimed TV shows fail because of outdated reporting systems like Nielsen ratings, or because of network politics. I'm sick of getting attached to brilliant, creative, unique stories and characters only to have them unceremoniously yanked off the air due to low ratings (i.e. low advertising revenue for the networks). There has to be a better model out there, one that makes sense in today's user-driven entertainment marketplace and accounts for multiple viewing platforms. Then maybe I wouldn't have to mourn shows like Veronica Mars, Arrested Development, and Pushing Daisies (and Freaks & Geeks and Firefly and Everwood...the list goes on and on, sadly).

I can't tell you how much I love Hulu -- I'm beyond thrilled that sites like this exist now, making it easier to catch shows you might not have the time or inclination to watch when they're airing live on TV -- but until networks figure out how best to monetize Internet viewership, we're stuck with this Stone Age system that sucks most of the creativity, art, and joy out of television. And that makes me very, very sad. Pretty soon, we're only going to be left with variations on American Idol, Survivor, Dancing with the Stars, CSI, and Two and a Half Men.

Sobering, isn't it?

Friday music recommendation #13

2009-02-27T00:01:00.000-06:00

I love Twitter.

I admit, I was skeptical at first, but now I don't know what I'd do without it. It's how I get a lot of my news; it's how I keep up with some of my favorite actors and writers. It's where I find some of the best music, photos, videos, websites, recipes, and stories. And, of course, it's one of the many ways I can communicate with my wonderful, witty friends. All in 140 characters or less. Brevity is a beautiful thing.

I started out following only a few people, mostly people I know, but that number has climbed steadily; now I'm following nearly 90 people (...NINETY?!). I still don't quite know how that happened, and I spend far too much time reading everyone's posts (I still can't bring myself to call them 'tweets'), but this ever-evolving community of really cool people makes the time suck...kinda worth it. Really.

(This is supposed to be a music recommendation post, right? Right. On with the music!)

A couple weeks ago, actor John Cabrera posted a link to a song on Twitter, describing it as "Bowie-big." That piqued my curiosity, and, one listen later, led me to an instant obsession with a young Norwegian singer-songwriter named Sondre Lerche (such a lovely, lyrical name, don't you think?). Only 19 when his first album was released in 2002, he's since released four more, including a jazz album and a film soundtrack (for Dan in Real Life).

Overall, his sound tends toward the kind of sunny, dreamy, fun, and complex pop that I adore. I hear Beck, the Beatles, the Fratellis, and Elvis Costello in his voice and his song arrangements. I also hear jazz, swing, rock, bossa nova, '60s pop... just really interesting, varied, sophisticated, thoughtful songcraft that moves easily and assuredly from soft, sweet, melodic ballads to upbeat, rock-tinged pop. I love the music, but I'm also impressed by it. And did I mention that I love his voice? And his lovely falsetto?

Sigh. I think I'm in love.

What do you think?

"Two Way Monologue"

"On the Tower"

"My Hands Are Shaking"

"The Tape"

"Sleep on Needles"

"Phantom Punch"

Zooborns!

2009-02-20T19:06:00.000-06:00

Oh lord...I have been slain by cuteness.

Courage Campaign

2009-02-11T16:34:00.003-06:00

Please go here and learn about the Courage Campaign. Its goal is to help protect the 18,000 (yes: eighteen THOUSAND) marriages in California that are now in danger of being legally dissolved thanks to bigots like Ken Starr (don't even get me started...). I've said my piece many times over already, so I'll just leave you with the below video, which pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject. (It does break my heart!)

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Can I have one?

2009-02-10T21:24:00.002-06:00

I want a precocious, wildly imaginative, French-speaking toddler! Can someone ship me one? Pretty please?

Once upon a time... from Capucha on Vimeo.

Thanks to Jaden (aka Steamy Kitchen) for posting the link!

Friday music recommendation #12

2009-02-06T19:01:00.004-06:00

I can't believe I haven't recommended this band before, but I checked, and nope -- no How I Became the Bomb anywhere in my archives. How can that be?

See, my dear friend Adam is in this band. And he's delightful. Delightful and very, very talented. The fact that he's combined forces with four other delightful, talented guys to create fun, eccentric, witty music just makes the world a better place, I think. They have quite the following in Nashville (their first EP, Let's Go!, did really well at the independent record stores there), and from what I understand, they put on a hell of a live show (sometimes with costumes! Sadly, I have yet to experience them live. Damn geography). I fully expect to see them headlining a major music festival some day. They're pretty awesome.

Enough preamble -- on with the music! Here are a few selections.

My current favorite: "Tomorrow's Date"

"Secret Identity"

"Bar Song"

"Salvage Mission"

"Mothership"

Callie

2009-02-03T22:31:00.006-06:00

Tonight, Callie did something I've never seen (heard) her do before. She got so upset about the cat sniffing a plate of baklava that she barked at her sharply, then whined pitifully for a solid three minutes. I got some of it on video (I had to be sneaky, so I couldn't get a shot of her face, but Jay assures me that it was hilarious).

The noise she makes at around 0:32 makes me giggle especially hard.

HIMYM, again

2009-02-03T21:02:00.005-06:00

Yet another reason why I love How I Met Your Mother:

Barney Stinson's Video Resume

The one featured on the show itself was longer (and even more awesome), but this is a good tease. I'm going to be singing that song for the next week, guaranteed (references available!).

HIMYM has a history of creating websites and other extras based on throwaway references made by the characters. They know how to reward their fans, and I love them for it. Here's a sampling:

Ted Mosby Is a Jerk

Barney's blog

Robin Sparkles

Lily and Marshall Sell Their Stuff

And of course, there's The Bro Code.

Man, could this show be any greater? I think not.

EDIT: Found another one! MysteriousDrX

Happy distractions

2009-02-03T15:20:00.001-06:00

Things making me happy this week, in no particular order:

This picture:

I accidentally captured this doofy expression one afternoon last week, and I still can't look at it without cracking up.

This song:

And this song:

Central Market's spinach & feta chicken sausage. Yum.

My new peacock earrings:

This book:

Christian Bale losing his shit on the set of Terminator: Salvation. Now imagine him delivering that verbal beatdown in his ridiculous, raspy Batman voice. Gold!

The fact that I haven't wanted to quit my exercise/healthier eating plan yet. I'm feeling optimistic, even if the actual physical exertion part sucks mightily. (It still does, if you were wondering.)

(Yes, I know it's only Tuesday, but I have to divert myself with such pleasant thoughts if I have any hope of making it to Friday unscathed.)

Samuell Farm

2009-01-25T19:29:00.003-06:00

Last weekend, my mom, Jay and I took some photos at Samuell Farm. It was my first time out with an SLR camera, so the majority of the photos weren't that great (it's a steep learning curve!), but there were a few I liked:

Machinery

Windmill

Barn

Post

Wire

Gears

Getting it right

2009-01-23T11:59:00.009-06:00

Yesterday was the 36th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision. As a woman, I've spent the past 8 years feeling a bit apprehensive in light of the previous administration's attempts to undermine or outright abolish women's rights, so it's with no small measure of relief that I read President Obama's words on the subject. I think the women of this nation can breathe a collective sigh of relief now. For the first time in my life, I feel supported and valued by my country's leadership; it's an indescribably wonderful feeling.

Obama's agenda with regard to women is not only about reproductive choice. His administration has compiled a comprehensive set of goals whose purpose is to bolster women's rights in almost every imaginable way. I hope that most of these initiatives see the light of day during his time in office. Particularly, I'd like to see sex education reinstated in schools that teach abstinence only. I'd also love to see pay inequity addressed and remedied once and for all (I can dream!). And I'm so happy that President Obama is a proponent of ethical stem cell research (see below). I think that our country is capable of making some huge strides under his administration, some that are long overdue, and I pray that he gets the opportunity to set them in motion, at the very least.

Supporting Stem Cell Research: President Obama and Vice President Biden believe that we owe it to the American public to explore the potential of stem cells to treat the millions of people suffering from debilitating and life-threatening diseases. Obama is a co-sponsor of the Stem Cell Research Enhancement Act of 2007, which will allow research of human embryonic stem cells derived from embryos donated (with consent) from in vitro fertilization clinics. These embryos must be deemed in excess and created based solely for the purpose of fertility treatment.

In short, I'm more excited about this presidency than any in my lifetime. In fact, I'm downright giddy!

Dinner

2009-01-22T20:48:00.005-06:00

Tonight, we made Tahini Lemon Rice and Beans. And oh, was it ever divine. I made only a couple of modifications -- left out the seitan, added a teaspoon or so of Sriracha for heat and a couple chopped sun-dried tomatoes -- and it was the easiest, tastiest home-cooked meal I've had in weeks. I want to put that tahini-lemon sauce on everything now!

For anyone playing along at home, this is a fantastic way to get in your greens, whole grains/fiber, and protein while still swooning over your food. (Trust me, it's really that good). So glad I started cooking regularly again!

Here we go...

2009-01-21T19:06:00.003-06:00

I know, I know, it's a total cliché to start the new year off by re-committing to healthier living. And yet, that's exactly what I'm doing (well, trying to do). Again. Geez. You'd think something would have stuck by now, but...no, never mind, you wouldn't think that. Anyway, I'm attempting a couple different methods this time around that just might work. You know, because they play off my insecurities and well-developed sense of guilt! Yay.

So this time (since everything else has failed thanks to my spectacular lack of willpower and amazing ability to sabotage good things in my life), I'm trying to build in a little accountability. I have a calendar hanging in my living room, visible on the way into the kitchen. This is where I document my workout accomplishments and encourage some healthy guilt. And since one calendar can be willfully ignored if you're determined enough, I've duplicated it online and posted it right here at the top of this blog! So now I have fewer excuses, which actually does help me somehow (except for last week, which was...yeah. I'm giving myself a pass there). I'm also trying to get Jay to kick my ass into gear when I'm being whiny and self-pitying. So far, this has been unsuccessful, but that's just because he's too nice (and/or tunes me out when I'm being that annoying).

The second major thing I'm doing, starting this week, is devising a mealplan for each week. This is supposed to help me make better food choices, which is important because I don't want to negate all the sweating and cursing and calorie-burning goodness from the first part of my plan. I got this nifty program called MacGourmet that allows me to import all my recipes (and they are legion; it's taking a while), create mealplans, and populate shopping lists. I'll do all my required shopping on the weekend, and voila! Fewer excuses to eat out and consume instant crap. So far this week, we've made spaghetti squash with pumpkin seed pesto and a cranberry bean-kale soup. Healthy AND tasty!

So that's the plan. Not much to it, really, but I don't want to introduce too many drastic changes into my life all at once. Honestly, I find it difficult enough to get up every day and go to work, so this is about all I can handle at the moment. I'm shooting for 3-4 days a week of moderate exercise at first (i.e. elliptical, some ab work, some weights). I'll revise my expectations as I go along. And I'm going to try to get in more dark, leafy greens, lean proteins, and whole grains every week. Sensible, no?

I think my problem in the past has been over-ambition -- trying to overhaul all of my bad habits at the same time, or going full-tilt at the gym when I hadn't worked out in months. I was setting myself up to fail. This time, I'm going to cut myself a little more slack (but not too much!) and do the sensible thing by going slowly. And if I do this right, I'm confident that in a few months, I'll feel (and look) so much better. Then it won't seem like such a chore! I hope.

Encouragement would be extremely welcome, by the way. :)

Hope

2009-01-20T12:16:00.007-06:00

Listening to President (President!) Obama speak this morning, I felt myself beaming, eyes brimming. His speech was exactly what I've wanted to hear from an elected official since I've been old enough to understand what's going on in the world. Even if his ambitions are lofty, his goals somewhat unrealistic in a country as deeply corrupt as ours, at least he has the guts to stand up there and state our problems, plainly, and do the best he can to instill hope in a tired, disillusioned nation.

Here are a few snippets of his lovely words.

On the sad state of our country:
"That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet."

On equality:
"The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness."

On priorities:
"We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do."

On cynics and rebuilding trust:
"Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions -- who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them -- that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works -- whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public's dollars will be held to account -- to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day -- because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government."

On prosperity:
"[A] nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous."

On the power of peace:
"To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist."

On responsibility:
"To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it."

Congratulations, President Obama. I have high hopes for this administration; the time has surely come for actual change, not just empty promises.

For the Bible Tells Me So

2009-01-18T21:05:00.001-06:00

I think everyone in this country should be forced to watch For the Bible Tells Me So. Even if it doesn't change anyone's opinion or open anyone's mind, at least they'd have to sit there and listen to these very human, very normal, very emotionally complex stories about love, family, understanding, and acceptance. They'd have the chance to witness the real impact homosexuality has on individuals and families in a country that still doesn't truly understand what it means to be homosexual -- in a country where the Bible is used (misused) selectively and inaccurately to exclude and judge. Maybe they'd be able to understand how flawed our human interpretation of the Bible is, how much we still don't know about its context, its intent. Maybe they'd see that the energy so many people expend denouncing and denigrating homosexuals might be better spent educating themselves and learning a little grace and tolerance.

I know I keep harping on this subject, and I normally don't like to be so serious and single-minded, but films like this really need to be promoted and recommended. The filmmakers did a beautiful job presenting such incendiary material without resorting to angry, liberal polemic. The film was clear-eyed, rational, and passionate without coming across as preachy. I was moved to tears several times -- with compassion and with outrage -- and was disappointed when I realized it was over. I wish more people would give this subject the consideration that it deserves.

I think it's a real problem that religion seems to shut down dialogue about important subjects in this country; that people can invoke "the word of God" and think that it's the end of the discussion. This film proves that we should be doing the opposite -- that we should be examining what the Bible really says about homosexuality and reconciling that with what we know about the subject in today's society. I think most Christians -- most people -- would be surprised by what they learn when they take a hard look at the actual verses and their historical context. It's not as black and white as some people would have you believe.

Jerry Falwell and Jimmy Swaggart and their ilk are committed to a message of hate, intolerance, and exclusion. They think they can bully people into submission by promoting fear, distrust, and closed-mindedness. The people behind For the Bible Tells Me So are committed to promoting clarity and understanding, hope and healing. You tell me: who's doing a better job of upholding the tenets of Christianity?

Friday music recommendation #11

2009-01-16T12:46:00.003-06:00

It's been a while since I've posted one of these! I guess I got a little bogged down in more serious posting, but I'm ready to start the music series up again. I've been listening to a ton of new music in the last couple of months, so I have a lot to recommend. Let's start with Santogold.

Anyone who knows my taste in music might be a little surprised that I like an artist with such pronounced '80s/new wave and dance/electronica influences, but there's something entirely infectious about Santogold's music. It's kind of punk, kind of pop, kind of funk, and I can't seem to stop listening to it. Sometimes, her voice reminds me of Gwen Stefani's; other times, she sounds a little like Debbie Harry. But you really can't pigeonhole her -- she's a unique voice right now. Her first album just came out last year, so I'm looking forward to what should be an interesting career.

"Lights Out"

"L.E.S. Artistes"

"You'll Find a Way"

Sigourney Weaver takes on Prop 8

2009-01-09T14:07:00.007-06:00

I love Sigourney Weaver's take on Prop 8 (via AfterElton).

"I think it’s unconstitutional to even have a referendum like that! People labor under this idea that homosexuality is a “lifestyle”. And the founding fathers were much too wise to try to legislate who loves whom. Homosexuality has been part of our history for thousands of years, and everyone has an equal right to pursue happiness in this country. It’s right there in black and white, and there are no exceptions. To even put this on the referendum, I can’t believe that that’s legal. To me, it’s a human rights issue.

"Gay marriage...is a very stabilizing force in society for those who want it — not everyone wants it. But the people who do, give them what they want. It seems insane to me to say to people who want it, you can’t have this nurturing thing. It’s the cruelest thing. People who voted for it really didn’t understand what they were voting for. I really think it’s misinformation."

Sigourney is starring in an upcoming Lifetime movie called Prayers for Bobby, which airs later this month.

Beardiness

2009-01-01T13:03:00.004-06:00

Portland has decided that it is the 'beardiest' city in the United States. (It's so true; I was astounded by the sheer number of facial outcroppings I witnessed while I was there. It even provoked the creation of a game called "Homeless or Hippie?").

Here are couple of choice quotes from that first article:

"A beard is a scarf that works great while bike riding."

"A beard is a friend who is always there to give you a hug."

Man, I love Portland. For this and many other reasons.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

2009-01-01T02:01:00.001-06:00

Yeah....see title. Welcome, 2009! May you be less shitty than 2008.

Fear

2008-12-23T09:40:00.004-06:00

Whoa, this is scary:

Rush-hour shooter kills 2 in Dallas

That right there is one of my top 5 fears. Seriously, I cringe almost every time I pull up next to a car at a stoplight or pass someone on the highway. I always thought it was completely irrational -- no way something like that would actually happen -- but here you go! A crazy guy shooting random, innocent drivers in my city. Those poor people (and their families! during the holidays!). I hope that this psycho is stung to death by angry bees, and soon.

Why do some people insist on confirming my worst opinions of humanity?

100th post...with actual opinions!

2008-12-19T18:24:00.000-06:00

Behold...my 100th post! On the one-year anniversary of this site, no less.

By design, I've kept this space pretty light in the year I've been tending it. There are so many maddening, depressing things going on in this world, and I spend enough time fuming about them privately to have much desire to add to the global diatribe in a more public forum. But even though this blog has had a fairly frivolous bent, I can't help but speak up every now and then about weightier issues. And since November 5th, one of those issues has plagued my thoughts almost constantly. It's the issue of equality -- of affording every human being on this planet the same rights and privileges under the law. I still can't believe we're debating that question, but here we are.

The topic has conjured a host of emotional responses in me -- outrage; frustration; fear; sadness; amazement. When I saw Milk last month, I commented to Jay that it was incredible how much and how little had changed in 30 years. Yes, as a country we've made undeniable strides in the last three decades. There's more acceptance overall, more willingness to understand other people's lifestyle choices without passing judgment. But when it comes to a vote, the majority of people are answering those questions with the same fear, intolerance, and hate as they always have, using the same specious arguments that have been debunked over and over again for decades.

The one that really angers me is the equation of homosexuality to bestiality -- you know, the old "If we let 'the gays' marry, what's next? A man marrying his dog?" line of reasoning. Frankly, I find that particular argument shamefully offensive. How can you compare the relationship between two mature, loving, consenting human beings to a man fucking his dog? No one's trying to legalize bestiality or child molestation -- heinous acts of violation that harm defenseless, non-consenting beings. People fighting against crap like Prop 8 are only trying to ensure that adults can marry other adults. Because they love each other. How in the world is that wrong?

Another argument I've heard is that a same-sex union is not an ideal environment to raise children. First of all, numerous scientific studies have shown just the opposite; it's the love, support, and commitment of the parents that matter, not the parents' gender. And second of all, if you're placing restrictions on who should raise children, why don't we start with addicts, or gang members, or, hell, convicted child molesters? And finally, who ever said that you have to be able to raise children in order to get married? Our species certainly isn't in any trouble of dying out, so that isn't the issue. I don't see how this can possibly be used by any reasonably well-informed person as an argument against gay marriage, but it's one of the most prevalent arguments out there.

Let's face it, in California you can marry a prison inmate, but not your same-sex partner of 5 or 10 or 20 years. Hell, if you're gay, a couple of straight, married, crackhead drug dealers have more rights than you do. And why? Because you have the same body parts as the person you love? Because you don't like to have sex with someone of the opposite sex?

Okay, seriously, this one really bugs me: what any person does in the privacy of his or her own home should never, ever be an issue in any argument against gay marriage. First of all, you want to outlaw sodomy? Then you should go ahead and lock up most of the straight couples I know. And more importantly, why should anyone be denied equal rights and privileges under the law just because some people aren't comfortable with their sexual proclivities? Lord knows I find the idea of people who eat each other's shit disgusting, but I would never claim that they shouldn't be allowed to get married because of it. That's just ludicrous.

And finally, I already addressed the religious argument in my last post on the subject, but even if there are objections to gay marriage on religious grounds, I feel I need to point out that we don't live in a theocracy. Even though the lines between church and state are blurred more than I'd like, they do still exist, and we should not let anyone's religion decide the fate of millions of people. And yet that's essentially what's happening in our country.

Jon Stewart vs. Mike Huckabee

I think one problem is that it's easy for some people to rest on exclusionary rhetoric when it's in the abstract. I believe that a lot of people would benefit from knowing a gay couple, or a gay person. Perhaps they'd realize that they're all (we're all) just people -- not "special," not "different," not "them" -- just human beings who want the same things as everyone does, who want to have a place and a voice in their own country. I'd wager that it's a lot more difficult to coherently relate any anti-gay marriage reasoning to a gay couple in love. When there's an actual human face on the issue, when it's someone's life and happiness you're trying to wreck? Not so easy.

I still want to know -- what are people so afraid of? What do they think is going to happen if gay marriage is legalized? Plenty of other countries, and even a couple states in our own country, allow gay marriage, and they're no worse for it. Our society isn't going to collapse because we give everyone equal rights. In fact, I'd argue that it'd get even better without all the friction, the anger and frustration and distrust dividing people down religious and party lines.

To sum up, I've yet to hear any sane, logical reason why gay people shouldn't be allowed to marry. I truly believe that the majority of people who are against gay marriage haven't given it much thought beyond the initial gut reaction (confusion? fear of change? fear of 'the other'?). And I find it outrageous that the same prejudices continue to find new voices generation after generation, the same way racism and misogyny are passed along. Few things are more dangerous than unexamined beliefs.

I don't want to be a total downer, so how 'bout a humorous take on the subject? Look, it's Prop 8: The Musical!

My eyes

2008-12-18T12:52:00.003-06:00

So I'm thinking of getting LASIK surgery next year. I've always had terrible vision -- I started wearing glasses in the third grade, and my nearsightedness and astigmatism have gotten worse just about every year since then -- so the idea of being contacts- and glasses-free for the first time in almost 20 years is a little thrilling. My eyesight seems to have stabilized in the last year or two, and I'm the ideal age, so I'm seriously considering it.

Of course, it's a little scary to think about, even though it's perfectly safe. Do you know what they do to you during LASIK surgery? They numb you with an anesthetic eye drop, hold your eyes open Clockwork Orange-style with a speculum, place a suction ring on your eye, and basically make you lie there and hold still while a laser reshapes your cornea. Creepy. Effective, but creepy.

Even with the (very expensive) surgery, there's no guarantee of 20-20 vision. Later in life, I would probably still need reading glasses. But in the long run, it would probably save me money. Contacts and glasses aren't cheap (especially if you have astigmatism and your prescription isn't available commercially), and I have to replace my contacts every month, my glasses every year or two. My doctor (aka Greatest Optometrist Ever Dr. Jim Pyeatt) thinks it would be worthwhile for me, so I think I'm going to go for it.

(For anyone wondering, my contact lens prescription is around -9.5. I think my eyesight is something like 20/1,000).

The definitive "Why Portland Is awesome" post

2008-12-14T17:28:00.010-06:00

Yes, I've already listed a bunch of reasons why I love Portland. I've posted pictures, related anecdotes, and generally rhapsodized about the place. Maybe I was exaggerating a bit -- after all, Portland is not perfect, and it has its drawbacks just like any place. But the way I felt there was no exaggeration. I felt home. The city is tailor-made for me. And ever since I've been back, I've felt a little homesick. So in the spirit of the holiday season, I feel compelled to post an exhaustive Compendium of Awesome, starring the fine city of Portland, Oregon.

Warning: reading this post may cause a sudden, burning desire to pack up and move to Portland immediately.

For the word nerd
For the foodie
For the music lover
For the nature enthusiast
For the film & TV buff
For the eco-conscious
For the artist
For the daytripper
For the conscious consumer

For the word nerd:
--Portland holds an annual literary festival called Wordstock. The book fair hosts readings, signings, and panels, and other events include a poetry slam competition, a live radio variety program, and an evening event called the Text Ball (with prizes for the most grammatically correct costume!).
--Powell's City of Books is the largest independent bookstore in the U.S. and covers an entire city block. It's open 365 days a year and holds over four million new, used, rare, and out of print books. You could spend a week in there and still find stuff to do.
--Beloved children's lit author Beverly Cleary is from Portland, and there's a Beverly Cleary Sculpture Garden in the city where children can play. On the opposite end of the literary spectrum, author Chuck Palahniuk is also from Portland.
--Dark Horse Comics, the largest independent comics producer in this country, is housed in Portland and has an amazing library of titles, including Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, Star Wars, Sin City, Hellboy, Aliens, and Predator.
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For the foodie:
--As I've mentioned before, James Beard, father of American gastronomy and author of 20 books, grew up in Portland. The prestigious James Beard Foundation Awards, held every May, honor the best chefs, restaurants, cookbook authors, and journalists (among others) in the country.
--Tillamook cheese probably wouldn't be around today without cows and equipment from Portland. The town of Tillamook is about an hour and a half away from Portland (one of many potential day trips from the city).
--Stumptown Coffee is an amazing independent coffee chain in Portland that buys and roasts its own coffee. The owner travels all over the world and forms relationships with coffee producers; he's even formed a non-profit that supports Rwandan coffee cooperatives. Stumptown offers Fair Trade Certified and organic coffees and takes pride in its sustainable business practices, both at home and abroad. I've ordered Stumptown coffee from their website, and it was freshly roasted and delicious.
--Portland boasts some of the best farm to table restaurants in the country. One example is The Farm Cafe, which uses locally grown produce and locally produced wines and spirits to create its constantly changing menu. The upside? Your food is fresher and more tasty, and you don't have to feel guilty about supporting evil corporate agribusiness.
--The abundance of wineries, breweries, brewpubs, and microdistilleries. There are even "brew and view" movie theaters that serve local microbrews and food that you can enjoy during the show. Oh, and Oregon Wine Country is about 25 miles from Portland. And there are at least 5 major beer festivals every year. There are more breweries in Portland (around 30) than in any other city in the country.
--Portland Farmers Markets are open April through December and provide a direct link between farmers and consumers. Portland (well, the entire Pacific Northwest) grows the most beautiful, fresh produce year-round, including some of the best berries in the world. Walking around Portland, you can find tons of wild blackberries that are safe to eat. We even found the most amazing apples growing wild on a tree in a residential neighborhood, free for the taking.
--Voodoo Doughnut and Wedding Chapel. The freshest, weirdest doughnuts you'll ever eat. Try a Maple Bacon Bar for starters and then check out their vegan selection to feel a bit more virtuous.
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For the music lover:
--Bands and musicians from Portland include The Decemberists, The Shins, Modest Mouse, The Dandy Warhols, Sleater-Kinney, Elliott Smith, Stephen Malkmus (of Pavement fame), M. Ward, The Kingsmen ("Louie, Louie"), Everclear (Art Alexakis), Spoon (Britt Daniel), Courtney Love, and Death Cab for Cutie (Chris Walla).
--Local music venue The Doug Fir Lounge is comfortable and stylish and has an attached restaurant and bar. We saw 3 bands for $5 there on our first night in Portland. They had free drinking water at the bar! And it was non-smoking, so you could actually breathe in there.
--The Oregon Symphony hosts outdoor concerts on the waterfront; the Oregon Zoo hosts a summer concert series.
--There's an annual Portland Jazz Festival.
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For the nature enthusiast:
--What isn't there for the nature enthusiast? You have mountains, old-growth forests, rivers, gorges... Portland even lies on top of an extinct lava field (the Boring Lava Field, which makes me laugh). There are great trails and hikes, and even in the middle of the city, you can find gorgeous wooded parks.
--Portland is known as the City of Roses; there are rose festivals a couple times a year and a huge test garden that holds over 550 varieties of roses. It's been in continuous operation since 1917.
--Portland boasts the most authentic Japanese garden in North America and the largest classical Chinese garden in the country.
--You can take an ecotour from Portland to the coast, stopping at scenic spots along the way, to go whale watching. A full-day whale watching trip won't even set you back a hundred bucks. Portland is also home to bald eagles and peregrine falcons; sightings of both are common.
--The Columbia River Scenic Highway takes you past magnificent landmarks like Multnomah Falls (look at it frozen!) and the Columbia River Gorge, not to mention stunning scenic overlooks and lush forests. It also features the greatest rest stop ever, Vista House, which is only 15 miles east of Portland.
--Even though it rains half the time, Portland has one of the most temperate climates in the United States. It has a narrow range of temperatures year-round, which means that summers aren't too hot and winters aren't too cold. When it does rain, it's not always the dreary, heavy rain that we experience in Dallas; it's often light, misty rain, and it comes and goes throughout the day. Plus, without all the rain, it wouldn't be so green!
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For the film & TV buff:
--Matt Groening (The Simpsons, Futurama) is from Portland.
--Directors Gus Van Sant (Milk, Good Will Hunting), Todd Haynes (I'm Not There, Far From Heaven), and Todd Field (Little Children, In the Bedroom) are also from Portland. So are actors Clark Gable, William Hurt, Katee Sackhoff (Battlestar Galactica), and Lindsay Wagner (Bionic Woman).
--Mel Blanc (Bugs Bunny!) is from Portland.
--The movie Into the Wild was filmed in Portland.
--The city holds numerous film festivals every year and has a renowned film school.
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For the eco-conscious:
--Portland is often called the greenest city in the United States. City planners have been thinking green for over three decades and have established strict land-use policies and urban growth boundaries. There are hundreds of protected natural areas around the city and tough anti-sprawl ordinances. Sustainability is more than just a buzzword; it's actively practiced. Renewable energy, green buildings, effective mass transit...these all make Portland one of the most ecologically friendly cities in the world.
--Bicycling is not only safe in suburbia; urban cycling is typical, thanks to Portland's bike-friendly accommodations. It's often rated one of the most bike-friendly cities in the world, with over 260 miles of bike lanes and paths.
--Portland was the first city in the U.S. to make and enact a formal plan to reduce greenhouse gas emissions.
--Freecycling thrives in Portland; it's a nonprofit movement that allows people to give away their unwanted items instead of throwing them away. It's completely free and legal, can save you money and time, and best of all, it keeps unnecessary waste out of landfills.
--Portland has 92,000 acres of green space, including the country's largest wooded city park (Forest Park, with over 70 miles of trails) and the world's smallest city park (Mill Ends Park, which is two feet across and was originally supposed to house a utility pole).
--Zipcar is available in Portland; the service allows you to reserve a car (including ZAP electric cars) by the hour or the day. Cars are parked all around the city; once you reserve one by phone or online, you just walk up to it, hold your ZipCard up to the windshield to unlock the doors, and drive away! They're located in 13 cities, from San Francisco to Boston to New York to Vancouver, and you can use your card in any of those cities if you're a member. ZipCar pays for gas and insurance, too.
--In addition to bicycling and public transit accommodations, the city is very pedestrian friendly, with compact square blocks and an easy to navigate grid that relies on natural boundaries to divide the city in a logical way. It's so easy to get around there; after a few days, I felt like a native.
--Benson Bubblers, the water fountains dotting the city landscape, reduce reliance on bottled water for many urban dwellers. There are 52 total fountains throughout the city.
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For the artist:
--In addition to a number of art museums, Portland boasts two monthly art walks: First Thursdays in the Pearl District, and Last Thursdays in the Alberta neighborhood. Galleries and shops keep their doors open late and serve appetizers and wine.
--For homemade, hand-crafted gifts, there's no greater place in Portland than the Saturday market (which is actually open on Sundays, too). Artisans and international food vendors descend on downtown every weekend from March to December to sell their wares, which include fine art, photography, candles, clothing, home accessories, woodwork and metalwork, pottery, ceramics, and even pet products.
--Parks, squares, and fountains around the city are enhanced by public works of art, including sculptures and murals. The bronze sculpture Portlandia is one of the city's most famous.
--Portland is a photographer's dream, mixing natural beauty with eclectic city landscapes at almost every turn.
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For the daytripper:
--Portland is 70 miles from the Pacific Ocean and about an hour from Mt. Hood. Cannon Beach is an hour and a half drive from the city. So is Tillamook (mmm, cheese).
--Timberline Lodge, where The Shining was filmed, is about an hour and a half from Portland.
--The desert of Warm Springs is a two-hour drive; so is the city of Eugene.
--Mount Saint Helens is just under two hours from Portland.
--Seattle is just over three hours away; Vancouver about five.
--The Amtrak Cultural Cascades route connects Eugene, Portland, Tacoma, Seattle, and Vancouver.
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For the conscious consumer:
--Portland does have a 9% income tax, but that's offset by its lack of a sales tax. Plus, it's deductible on your federal tax return. Car registration fees are much lower than they are here in Texas, and you only pay them once every two years.
--Cost of living is slightly higher than it is in Dallas (about 5-7% higher), but it's still one of the most affordable cities on the west coast.
--Public transit is free downtown (it's called Fareless Square). That includes buses, streetcars, and light rail. The light rail system extends all the way out to the airport; the fare from the airport to the heart of downtown is only $2.30.
--You can see second-run movies at the "brew and view" movie theaters for $3.
--Most places have free wifi.
--The outdoor summer symphony events are free.
--Some breweries, like Widmer, offer free tours of their facilities.
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I wasn't kidding when I said exhaustive! I'm very passionate on the subject, as you can see. :) Also, I like having all these lists on one page so I can visit it when Dallas is pissing me off. Like today, with the inexplicable return to 75-degree temperatures in the middle of December.

Viva Portland!

An abiding love

2008-12-10T18:21:00.006-06:00

Last night, I attended a high school orchestra concert at my alma mater to watch my little brother play the cello. The school has a top-notch music education program, and in the past decade has won best in state honors 5 times. When I was a junior, our orchestra was the first to bring home that particular prize. So it was with both pride and nostalgia that I watched, rapt, as my old conductor directed this particular group of musicians. They're a phenomenal bunch, but the standout was definitely one Danny Hahm, All-State cellist and superstar, who performed "Kol Andrei" with such expressiveness and pure, raw talent that tears sprang into my eyes, unexpectedly. Watch out for that kid -- he's going to be a star. Here's a sampling of that piece of gorgeous, gorgeous music:

"Kol Nidrei" by Max Bruch

The whole experience left me, as always, with a feeling of longing and regret. I rarely pick up my viola anymore, and I haven't played in an ensemble for almost five years. That's such a shame. It's not that I was ever particularly talented, but I love playing music. I do, I love it. I love the warm, rich, resonant sounds of the cellos and violas, the delicate and more strident tones of the violins, and the heavy, profound vibrations of the string bass. I love symphonies and string quartets, concertos and cadenzas, elegies and etudes. I love it all. I miss the feelings that musical performance can evoke in me. Watching that group perform last night made me ache in more ways than I could possibly describe.

All hope is not lost, though. I still own the most gorgeous instrument, one I can pick up at any time. I can always join another ensemble (with enough practice, of course!). So I haven't given up that dream, not yet. It just might take me a while to get there again. And I'm okay with that.

Fun with Photo Booth

2008-12-08T17:41:00.010-06:00

Sometimes, there's nothing I enjoy more than being silly, especially when I can recruit my younger siblings into the goofiness.

Here we are as a pop art trio:

...and slightly sinister, shadowy forces:

...and...ummm...:

...grotesquely stretched:

...circus freaks:

...and nightmare-inducing monsters:

Just so I don't end on such a scary note, here are 2 cool photos the kids came up with when left to their own devices:

Pretty neat, those two. I kinda like 'em.

The Natalie rap

2008-12-03T10:40:00.004-06:00

Wow. Just...wow. I never imagined that the sentence "Natalie Portman raps" would make me burst into actual giggles of the non-mocking variety, but that was before I watched this video:

WHAT!

[Nothing much to see here these days. I'm treading water in the Sea of Exhaustion, enjoying my new MacBook (evil temptress though she is!), and watching lots of TV while snuggled up under blankets. 'S all I can manage for now. More to come when I emerge from this slight funk.]

50 reasons

2008-11-25T10:15:00.002-06:00

One of the many, many reasons I love How I Met Your Mother:

Entertainment overdose

2008-11-24T14:06:00.004-06:00

Argh, I wish I could shake this constant fatigue! It seems I'm only capable of lying around watching movies or reading when I'm not at work. That Netflix instant viewing option is dangerous, I tell you. Since Friday, I've watched Bull Durham (which is still funny and charming 20 years after it was made), Becoming Jane (historical inaccuracy be damned, I found myself totally engrossed by the love story), and sex, lies, and videotape (I swear, I never found James Spader sexy before Secretary, but now? Oh my god. It's that cold, impassive, vaguely reptilian face of his). I also watched Kung Fu Panda and True Romance yesterday, both of which I absolutely loved.

Yeah, it's been a lazy few weeks.

I started reading The Age of Innocence a few days ago -- its brilliance stands in stark contrast to the majority of so-called "literature" written today. I'm taking it slow, trying to savor the language and absorb the sharp social critique and stinging wit, and so far, it's been an absolute joy. I'd only read Wharton's The House of Mirth before, so this is a treat. Surprisingly relevant to modern society, too.

Speaking of brilliant works of fiction: ABC, how could you give up on a show as joyful, colorful, and witty as Pushing Daisies? It's a beautiful, romantic, clever, silly, magical, whimsical love letter to language, and it makes me smile until my face hurts every single week. And after January (barring a miracle), I won't get to bask in it anymore. Yet Private Practice lives on to bore and annoy? There is no justice.

Ok, I've prattled on long enough. I'll leave you with some songs I'm digging right now:

"Time to Pretend" (MGMT)

"Sex on Fire" (Kings of Leon)

"You Are the Best Thing" (Ray LaMontagne)

"The Chain" (Ingrid Michaelson)

"So They Say" (from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog)

Cat in a box

2008-11-10T10:56:00.000-06:00

Yes?! YES?!!?!

2008-11-05T17:01:00.003-06:00

California... I'm disappointed in you.

Victory

2008-11-04T23:21:00.003-06:00

OH HAPPY DAY!

Celebratory brownies and shots for everyone!

Nightmares

2008-11-01T12:41:00.003-05:00

Thank you, EW.com. The Hugga Bunch wasn't even on my radar until today, and now I'm going to have lifelong nightmares.

Oh, god, it's so horrifying!

Jesus would vote No on Prop 8

2008-10-30T19:35:00.006-05:00

I recently read a post about marriage and Prop 8 in which the poster writes candidly about why she got married -- from the love she has for her husband to the convenience marriage affords -- and defends every person's entitlement to those basic rights. She says:

"I got married so we could own property together. I got married so that we would have enforceable rights if anything happened to either of us. I got married because he’s got great insurance benefits & I’ve got a great credit union. I got married because when we weren’t married, the world seemed to look at us differently, like we weren’t really in love. I got married because it made everything (taxes, renting, car ownership, illness, life insurance, nearly everything) easier. Just one document & so many issues simply evaporated.

And that surprised me. Social issues, family issues, governmental issues—completely resolved simply because I had a different last name, a legal document, and a [white] gold ring.

For these reasons and for all the reasons I didn’t list, I cannot condone restrictions on marriage between consenting adults of any gender. Nor can I sit idly by while bigots and homophobes attempt to restrict rights on the basis of religion at best and ill-articulated arguments at worst."

AMEN.

I will never understand the position that your sexual orientation or gender identity should dictate how you're treated as a human being, or which rights you're entitled to receive. And I will never believe that a supposedly omniscient, benevolent being would want to see anyone marginalized, judged, or excluded based on something as fundamental as sexual orientation, something that simply isn't a choice. (Do you choose who you fall in love with? Who you're attracted to? If you do, I'd love to have a chat with you to see how that works.) We talk about equality in this country, about tolerance and respect, and then we lob outdated, fearful, uninformed rhetoric about the "sanctity" of marriage, the "unnatural" "perversion" of non-hetero relationships, blah blah blah, into the sphere of federal legislation. How is this allowed to occur in the 21st century? In a country that clearly defines church and state as separate entities?

Sure, marriage between men and women has been around for thousands of years, and is a traditional, well-established institution that many people hold in high esteem. Know what else was? Slavery. And as for the arguments against gay marriage that involve such topics as procreation, child-rearing, morality, and gender norms, I would urge everyone to visit this site, which summarizes these and other popular arguments and addresses each of them thoughtfully, rationally, and dispassionately -- something that most anti-gay-marriage crusaders don't bother to do. Present me with a reasonable, informed opinion, and I'll listen. Spew ignorance and hate, and I won't.

I have no problem with Christianity, or any religion, for that matter. However, I do have a problem with things done in the name of Christianity (or, again, any religion) that impede people's basic rights as human beings. I have great respect for people who believe in the Bible because it emboldens them to be gracious, tolerant, respectful, kind, and brave. I do not respect people who use the Bible selectively as an excuse to further their small-minded, judgmental, hate-fueled agendas. I don't want to demean the Bible, which has a lot of profound things to say on a variety of topics, but it is a document that's thousands of years old, was committed to paper by men, has always been controlled by men (including the suppression of certain biblical gospels), and has been translated and edited thousands of times, often by people with their own agendas and biases. Those who selectively quote the Old Testament's proclamations against homosexuality seem to overlook the fact that the very book (Leviticus) that refers to homosexuality as "an abomination" also uses that exact term to describe shellfish. And commands that children who disobey their parents be put to death. And endorses slavery. And so on and so on. The reality is that the Bible condemns a lot of practices, many actively practiced by modern Christians. If scriptural condemnation is the sole basis of the argument against gay marriage? I'm unconvinced. I'm going to need a lot more to believe that the Christian God doesn't want GLBT people to have the same rights to happiness, equality, and choice as their heterosexual brethren. It seems counterintuitive to the whole Christian ideology.

I'm not even a big proponent of marriage -- in fact, I don't know if I ever want to get married. But I fully support everyone's entitlement to that right. I truly believe that fifty years from now, denial of rights to the GLBT community will be seen in the same light as racial segregation, or the denial of women's right to vote. Our own Declaration of Independence plainly states that any form of government that interferes with our ability to secure our "unalienable rights" should be "alter[ed] or abolish[ed]." I believe that this is one of those times, one of those rights. And if I ever get the opportunity to register my vote to that effect, I'll be one of the first in line.

What is and what should never be

2008-10-28T11:48:00.005-05:00

Led Zeppelin may tour without Robert Plant

Noooo! Robert Plant, what's your deal? Can't hack it vocally anymore? Physically? Do you hate your legion of fans? Have you turned your back on Led Zeppelin to focus on your folk thing with Alison Kraus? As O2 proved, you still have the chops, though obviously slightly diminished by age. So what IS IT?

If this turns into Led Zeppelin + [insert name here], I'll never forgive you.

I'm going to go throw a tantrum somewhere. I was so born in the wrong era. Not fair!

Spenser Dixon, 1999-2008

2008-10-27T11:51:00.005-05:00

Spenser, you will be missed. You were Callie's favorite playmate and the most energetic, joyful 9-year-old dog I've ever seen -- a puppy 'til the very end. You were more than a handful, but that's only because you were overflowing with love and excitement, more than you could possibly contain. You were a goofball and a spaz, a lovable beast, and a perfect gentleman to your canine brothers and sisters. You may not have been gentle, but you had a gentle spirit, and our lives won't be the same without your infectious energy brightening every room.

Rest in peace, buddy.

Senseless

2008-10-26T11:07:00.004-05:00

Arkansas TV anchor dies days after attack

Anne Pressly's dorm room was two doors down from mine freshman year. I didn't know her very well -- she was in a sorority and hung around with a different crowd -- but she was always nice to me. She seemed to lead a charmed life. She was beautiful, popular, confident, and extremely close to her family. Apparently, she continued to do well for herself after graduation, with a local TV anchor gig in Little Rock, Arkansas and a small part in the movie W. To think that all of that could be taken away in one night of senseless violence is so upsetting. She had so much left to accomplish, so many years left with her family. I can't even begin to imagine what hell they're going through. It makes me so angry, so sad for everyone who knew her.

Rest in peace, Anne. My heart goes out to your loved ones.

Friday music recommendation #10

2008-10-24T12:33:00.004-05:00

I didn't seek out much new music when I was younger. I pretty much absorbed other people's musical taste -- my dad's classic rock, my mom's alternative acts, and my college boyfriend's indie and alt country favorites. It wasn't until 2004 that I started actively seeking new music that I liked. It was a tough year from me -- a turning point for me in a lot of ways -- and I came out on the other side stronger, more sure of myself, unafraid to have my own opinions and tastes. Sounds kind of hokey, I know, but it was huge for me. I felt like my own person for the first time.

It was in the fall of 2004 that I discovered an artist that no one I knew had ever heard of: Rachael Yamagata. I heard one of her songs on a TV show, tracked down the album (Happenstance), and fell immediately in love with it. I felt so connected to that album. It became my personal soundtrack for the next 6 months, and I couldn't wait to see what she would do next. I was ecstatic when I found out that she collaborated with Rhett Miller (of Old 97's fame) on a couple of his solo songs. "Fireflies" is now one of my all-time favorite songs. But it wasn't until this year -- 4 years after she released her first album -- that she came out with a new project. Her new album, called Elephants...Teeth Sinking Into Heart, is totally worth the wait.

So why am I in love with Rachael? First, it's her voice. Husky, haunting, and rough around the edges. She imbues every song, whether upbeat or subdued, with a sultry, bluesy quality that I love. Second? Orchestration. Rachael herself plays the guitar and piano, and in addition to her quiet, contemplative ballads, she has these sweeping, epic, lushly arranged songs that employ entire string sections without sounding maudlin or overdone. She has such passion in her voice and her songwriting. Third? She just seems like a cool person. Her dad is a third-generation Japanese-American attorney, and her mom is a painter. She's fronted a funk band; she's collaborated with some of my favorite artists (including Bright Eyes). And once, after a sold-out gig in LA, she played in the alley behind the venue for the fans that couldn't get into the show. Check that out:

Rachael singing/playing "Sunday Afternoon" (acoustic guitar & cello):

"Sidedish Friend"

"Worn Me Down"

"1963"

"Elephants"

...and the song that started it all, "Be Be Your Love"

The lives of others

2008-10-23T12:42:00.003-05:00

I just spent half an hour reading through every entry on this website. Obviously, there's a big market for this kind of entertainment (see PostSecret), so I don't feel so alone in my compulsion to know the tiniest details about strangers' lives. I'm fascinated by other people's stories, from the mundane to the earth-shattering. I devour Facebook status updates and Twitter posts (tweets?). I love reading blogs written by people I'm never likely to meet. I love details. I love stories of all sorts, real or fictional.

It's why I can't stop watching some TV shows well past their sell-by dates; I have to see what happens to the characters. (Is this why people watch soap operas?) It's why I love short stories, poems, novels, memoirs, plays, news stories, websites of all stripes, comic books, you name it. As long as it's competently written and I can relate to it, I'm in. It's why I could watch 43 episodes of In Treatment in just over a week. I'm addicted to other people's private lives. But overall, I think it makes me a better, more compassionate person. I try to understand what makes people tick. I'm not (over-)judgmental. I want to know where people are coming from, so I listen.

Or I'm just a busybody who needs to get my own life. Take your pick.

That damn cat

2008-10-23T09:47:00.003-05:00

Jay has a cat. Her name is Loki. She's pure evil.

It was funny when she was a kitten, because kittens are supposed to be cute little bundles of evil. Now that she's grown (and is fatter and lazier), it's not as cute. It's just annoying. She's stubborn and obnoxious and kind of mean. And she likes to wake me up in the middle of the night doing god knows what.

This was Loki a little over a year ago:

Tiny, active, evil.

This is Loki now:

A lazy blob of evil.

...Stupid cat.

(All photos taken by Jay)

Check-in

2008-10-21T13:40:00.005-05:00

Geez, it's been a while since I've posted. Guess I'm not feeling too inspired these days. Plus, I had to travel to Boston for work, which was...interesting. It's not every day you see middle-aged career women acting like 16-year-olds one drink away from flashing a Girls Gone Wild camera. You won't ever find me spilling details about work on here -- for many reasons -- but if I did? Oh, I'd have stories.

Other than that, I'm just trying to keep my head up. I'm being pulled in too many directions at work, feeling a bit drained, and trying to minimize the time I spend on the computer at home. It might be slim pickin's around here until my energy returns. But rest assured, when I get this baby in December, I'm going to be posting a lot more. Oh, MacBook. You've stolen my heart (and my future earnings...damn you!).

Photos from the Dallas Arboretum will be going up on my Flickr page in the next couple of days. I actually caught a butterfly in flight with my inexpensive hand-me-down point and shoot, so I'm happy!

Related?

2008-10-08T11:49:00.006-05:00

How are Jack Coleman and Scott Porter not related? Seriously, if they don't play father and son in a movie at some point, I have no faith in casting directors.

I mean, just look at Coleman when he was younger. Right?

A long time coming

2008-10-07T20:42:00.005-05:00

Dear Caffeine,

I'll just come right out and say it: it's over. I'm leaving you for Decaf. I think we'll both agree that this has been a long time coming.

See, this hasn't been a healthy relationship for quite some time. Sure, it was all picnics and roses in the beginning -- in fact, I felt like I couldn't live without you. But you've given me nothing but trouble for years, and I can't believe it's taken me this long to realize it. So I'm done. I'm out.

No more headaches, dizziness, or nausea! No more brain fog or jitters! You're bad news, Caffeine, and I've had enough. I've learned my lesson this time. We're through, for good.

Love,
Me

P.S. Ok, so I might see you occasionally when I'm hanging out with Chocolate. But don't get any ideas, mister!

Not as easy as it seems

2008-10-03T13:47:00.007-05:00

If you had to pick 10 bands that would explain your taste in music to a perfect stranger, what would they be?

Here are mine:

1) Led Zeppelin
2) Old 97's
3) Red Hot Chili Peppers
4) Death Cab for Cutie
5) Wilco
6) Queen
7) Radiohead
8) Boston
9) Fiona Apple
10) Fountains of Wayne

Currently enjoying: Derby, Posters Fade and This is the New You.

A new way to think about your favorite foods

2008-10-01T12:34:00.003-05:00

Barney on How I Met Your Mother:

"I love this burger so much, I want to sew my ass shut."

Friday music recommendation: '90s nostalgia edition, Pt. 1

2008-09-19T11:58:00.004-05:00

Almost everyone listening to the radio around 1996 heard the song "Novocaine for the Soul" by the Eels. It was pretty ubiquitous, if I remember correctly, and I remember liking it. Not enough to buy their CD (I was but a poor 14-year-old back then), but well enough to listen to it any time it came on the radio. Now, 12 years later, having downloaded their greatest hits (Meet the Eels: Essential Eels, Vol. 1 (1996-2006)) in a fit of nostalgia, I realize just what I've been missing all these years. The Eels are awesome, and I can't believe it took me this long to realize that. Now I'm listening to them all the time. They're funny, inventive, and irreverent, and I love every weird second of it. This is essential listening, people! Hop on the nostalgia train!

"Novocaine for the Soul"

"Mr. E's Beautiful Blues"

"Love of the Loveless"

"Your Lucky Day in Hell"

"Last Stop: This Town"

"Souljacker Part 1"

"Trouble With Dreams"

Bits and pieces

2008-09-18T10:03:00.004-05:00

I grabbed some toothpaste last night whose purported flavor is "Empowermint." It was on sale, I was in a hurry, so I wasn't being particularly, well...particular. To my horror, however, I discovered that "Empowermint" is not minty so much as strongly reminiscent of Vick's VapoRub. Which, in turn, reminds me strongly of my late grandmother. Which is really creepy. I don't want to be thinking about my late grandmother every time I brush my teeth. I think I'm going to take it back.

I've been watching Friday Night Lights lately after my mom urged me to start watching. And wow, I don't know why I resisted it for so long. This is fantastic television -- extremely well-acted, well-written, natural, believable, and moving. I don't know why this show doesn't get more attention. It's seriously great. And could Tim Riggins (aka Taylor Kitsch) be any more lickable? Good lord, is that boy sex on toast.

I'm still mourning the end of my vacation in Portland, but at least there are pictures to remind me of the magic! Jay finally posted his awesome photos from the trip -- check them out!

One thing making the transition from Portland back to Dallas easier is the weather we've been having since Sunday. It's cool, breezy, and just sunny enough. Perfect, really. I just hope we don't go back to sauna temperatures before fall officially sets in. I love the idea of being able to take Callie for walks and sit in the backyard for hours, reading and listening to music.

One last thing: if you haven't installed the new iTunes, you're seriously missing out. Genius playlists are pretty awesome. You can choose any song from your library, click the Genius icon, and choose how many songs you want it to grab (from 25 to 100). Then sit back and watch while it matches the Eels with Filter, Beck, The White Stripes, The New Pornographers, and Fiona Apple, among others. I've created some pretty awesome playlists so far, with absolutely no effort required. If you're bored with your library or with Shuffle, this is a good way to reinvigorate your music.

Okay, one last last thing -- Pushing Daisies is coming back in 2 weeks! Whee!

Run, before he finds you

2008-09-14T14:51:00.006-05:00

Apparently, when you type "Chuck Norris" into Google Search and select "I'm Feeling Lucky," magic happens.

Do it. I dare you.

Friday music recommendation: Portland edition

2008-09-12T10:01:00.006-05:00

The first night I was in Portland, I got to see three local bands at a cool venue called the Doug Fir Lounge. To my surprise, I liked all three acts.

First up was Charmparticles (Myspace). They were very mellow, with pretty, dreamy songs that showcase lead singer Pamela Rooney's gorgeous voice. Beautiful stuff, the kind that makes you want to lie back and let the music wash over you while you daydream. They're available on Amazon - not sure about iTunes.

"Gold Plated Shot"

"Kohii"

Next up was Derby (Myspace), my favorite that night. Y'all know how much I love upbeat, poppy, fun music, and Derby perfectly fits that bill. Plus, the lead singer was really cute. Their sound is very Britpop, catchy and completely infectious. Again, their music is available on Amazon.

"This Conversation"

"If Ever There's a Reason"

The third band, Climber (Myspace), was the weirdest of the trio (in a good way, of course). With more electronic elements and some cool, unusual musical choices, they were reminiscent of Radiohead at times, The Polyphonic Spree at others. At the end of their set, they covered "Burning Down the House" and "Psycho Killer," which made the crowd go crazy. They have 3 albums available on Amazon. I could see this music becoming a favorite, though I gotta check out more.

"I Don't Exist"

The Portland post

2008-09-11T10:11:00.012-05:00

I guess I'll finally write about my trip to Portland. The only reason I haven't is that I'm sad I'm not still there. In a perfect world, I never would have left.

So, like the dork I am, I kept notes while I was in Portland. Memories I wanted to hold close, images I wanted to preserve, events that made me smile or laugh or gape at, disbelieving. Here's what Portland has to offer:

Leaf-shaded, sun-warmed wild blackberries, eaten out of hand on a busy street; graffiti that makes you stop and think; poetry everywhere, written or unwritten; unbelievably delicious Lebanese food on the cheap, and pita the size of your torso; the grandeur of mountains and trees and sky filling your senses; three excellent local bands for $5 in a smokeless venue that offers free water and isn't too crowded; top-notch, locally roasted coffee; 75-degree weather in August; an independent bookstore that covers an entire city block and necessitates a map to navigate; the word "sustainability" actually applied; a health food co-op that offers "living Incan berries" that made me eyes pop open as I chewed; tea eggs; girls wearing capes, butterfly wings, or Link costumes roaming the streets; cats on leashes; 24-hour donut shops that offer abundant weirdness; people on unicycles; people that make art in your latte or Guinness foam; free symphony concerts by the river, complete with fireworks and cannons; hemp milk offered at various bakeries and tea houses; a haunted pizzeria; food carts with amazing, fresh food; a weekend market that enlivens downtown and makes you want to empty your pockets in exchange for beautiful homemade wares; a building that boasts a tattoo place, a "Dragon Herbarium" and an "Irish Dancing Store;" spectacular waterfalls half an hour from the city; chatty Ethiopian waiters with surprising knowledge of world history; lush thunderstorms; scenic drives to the beach along winding strips of highway dotted with farms, lookout points, and tree graveyards; misty mountains; unbelievable clouds; the vastness of sand, sky, and water at Cannon Beach; sunsets that flash orange, pink, gray, blue, yellow, black; perfect roses; spiritual awakening; Mt. Hood, imposing in the distance; houses with character, personality; the best hot dog in the history of time; polite, friendly, open people; the feeling of possibility.

There are these drinking fountains downtown called Benson Bubblers that offer fresh, delicious drinking water. In researching their history, I came across this quotation that just about sums up Portland:

Simon Benson's water fountains still bubble invitingly on Portland's downtown streets. And around the fountains has grown a city of parks, outdoor artwork, coffee carts, microbreweries, bridges and bookstores. Portland is a people town, whose pedestrian-friendly city blocks are half the size of those in other towns, where outdoor benches are crowded with readers enjoying good books and spring sunshine, and where limits on growth have kept the surrounding countryside within a 20-minute drive of the city's core. To many, Portland is still the paradise that captured William Overton's enthusiasm so many years ago.

So true.

I'm so moving here. I felt home when I was there. It's hard to explain, but it's powerful and certain, and I know I would be perfectly happy there.

Photos from the trip are here (mine) and here (Jay's).

Off to Portland

2008-08-25T20:46:00.006-05:00

Well, we're off tomorrow morning, and I already miss Callie. Damn that dog's cuteness! I didn't realize how pathetically attached I am to her until this afternoon when my mom picked her up. As soon as she left, I started missing her. Now everything I do makes me think of her. Every time I open the door, I expect to see her there. When I got ice from the freezer, I automatically moved to save her a piece. I missed feeding her bits of my food at dinner. And every single time I sit on the couch, I miss her shape sitting next to me. Stupid cute awesome dog. She's so entangled in my every movement, I don't know what to do without her. I'm useless. Good thing I have a week-long trip to distract me from missing her.

In other news, I'm very excited about Portland. There is much beer to be consumed and natural beauty in which to revel. Pictures and stories to come!

Friday music recommendation: Rock Band edition

2008-08-22T13:09:00.003-05:00

Jay and I have been playing a lot more Rock Band lately. I'm getting pretty good at guitar, and Jay's kicking ass at drums (moving from Medium to Hard in a day!). We can't seem to stop downloading songs -- I think we're up to 95 or so total songs on the game (meaning we've downloaded 35-40...wow). Here are my favorites:

"My Iron Lung" (Radiohead) - strangely enough, this song played during a scene in the movie Clueless. It's beautiful and hypnotic (and really fun to play, too).

"Gimme Three Steps" (Lynyrd Skynyrd) - because I have such vivid memories of singing this with my dad growing up, learning all the words so I could join in.

"Still Alive" (GLaDOS) - "Anyway, this cake is great / It's so delicious and moist." Kills me every time. I didn't like this song until Jay gave me the backstory - the song runs during the end credits of a videogame called Portal, and it's the computer singing. Just watch the video below and read the lyrics. And laugh.

All the Boston songs (duh. I'm predictable.)

"The Greatest Man That Ever Lived" (Weezer) - I'm so obsessed with this song right now. It's freaking hilarious and SO fun to sing.

"Electric Version" (The New Pornographers) - I still don't understand half of their lyrics, but the songs are fabulous and so infectious.

"Snow ((Hey Oh))" (Red Hot Chili Peppers) - probably my favorite song from Stadium Arcadium.

"Reptilia" (The Strokes) - one I didn't know before we got the game, but it's grown on me in a major way. I love playing guitar on this one.

'90s songs on Rock Band that I have big nostalgic love for: "Black Hole Sun" (Soundgarden), "Say It Ain't So" (Weezer), "Interstate Love Song" (Stone Temple Pilots), "In Bloom" (Nirvana), "Vasoline" (Stone Temple Pilots)

Songs I can sing on Expert and get 100%: "Wave of Mutilation" (The Pixies), "More Than a Feeling" (Boston), "Dani California" (Red Hot Chili Peppers), "Snow ((Hey Oh))" (Red Hot Chili Peppers), "Maps" (Yeah Yeah Yeahs). I'm *thisclose* to getting 100% on "Say It Ain't So," "Interstate Love Song," "Sex Type Thing," and a couple others. I'm a perfectionist, so I'm obsessed with getting as many 100%s as possible. It's a sickness.

Invasion

2008-08-21T13:02:00.003-05:00

First roaches, now ants. We've discovered thousands of them, infesting our house and our neighbors' houses. They're trying to take over our neighborhood. Then the world.

Ever since we moved in, we've had to spray for ants pretty regularly. They've taken up residence in Callie's food, her toy basket, Jay's bathroom, our back patio, and the kitchen. We'd gotten the interior of the house under control for the most part thanks to Home Defense (thank you, makers of Home Defense!). But then it rained. A lot.

Apparently, ants like to seek higher ground when their colonies are flooded. And oh, did they. I went out to get the mail yesterday, and when I opened the mailbox door, I saw hundreds of fire ants swarming the interior. We opened our neighbor's mailbox (directly adjacent to ours), and the sight was even more horrifying -- hundreds of ants plus dozens of ant larvae crawling all over each other. We had to use barbecue tongs to get our mail out, then empty a can of Raid in the box. Not fun.

After the mail fiasco, we decided to conduct a little inspection of our house's exterior. Now, I don't know if it's just because of the rain-induced mass relocation, but we discovered thousands of ants nesting in between our bricks where the mortar is cracked or missing. Jay would spray the cracks, and ants would come pouring out. Our neighbor's house is even worse -- ants forming continuous lines along the entire side of the house. We eradicated most of our ants yesterday, but I'm sure more will come. We're probably going to have to go in with our neighbors to get an exterminator for several houses on our block. The ant problem is pretty ridiculous at this point (and apparently has been going on for quite some time, according to the neighbors).

I bet Portland doesn't have ant invasions.

[Side note: Look at this picture and tell me it's not one of the freakiest things you've ever seen.]

Durian

2008-08-20T10:47:00.004-05:00

Durian.

This post from Steamy Kitchen perfectly captures how divisive this fruit is (make sure you read all the comments to get the full picture). I find the subject of durian so fascinating, having never tried it. Descriptions of its odor and flavor are so varied, you can't picture what it would be like to experience the fruit for yourself. But I kinda have to try it now, even if it's as disgusting as some people claim.

This is a fruit that has actually been banned from some hotels and public transportation in Asia. Its smell can be detected up to half a mile away. People have compared it to Limburger cheese, rotting onions, sweaty gym socks, and garlicky custard. Some find it sweet; others find it unbearably pungent and impossible to divorce from its smell, no matter what it tastes like.

I think some of the variance in people's opinion stems from the different varieties of the fruit, as well as its degree of ripeness, so it's difficult to compare it to something like an orange, which has a fairly universal flavor. Also, some people are really put off by certain textures, and durian, which is kind of creamy (custardy; cheesy), would disgust a lot of folks. Still, I have to try it for myself. I'm endlessly fascinated by controversial or exotic foods.

Watch Anthony Bourdain eat durian, actually uttering the phrase "French kissing your dead grandmother" in reference to the smell. Yowza.

Guess I have to travel back to Asia now. Darn.

Sometimes...

2008-08-13T16:29:00.001-05:00

I think people should use the word "thither" more often.

The brave ones

2008-08-13T11:02:00.007-05:00

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the maddening minutiae of everyday life, so consumed by petty frustrations and deep-seated dissatisfactions, I have to take a minute to reflect and laugh. I mean, come on. I lead a charmed life. I have a crazy, loving family, wonderful friends, the cutest dog that ever lived, a safe place to sleep at night, and enough money to live comfortably. I'm healthy and have all my limbs, my eyesight (thank you, contacts and glasses!), my hearing, my sense of smell. So what do I have to complain about?

It's a valuable lesson, each and every time I learn it. Make a conscious effort to be thankful for the gifts you've been given. Be present. Don't take things for granted. Enjoy the good, and let the bad wash away. It's not always easy, but it's essential.

Certain things help me gain perspective when I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. There are people like Jana, whose words are as beautiful as her spirit, despite the challenges life throws at her. There's Molly, who lost her sense of smell in a horrific accident and has written about her experiences and her gradual recovery with astonishing grace. There are stories of atrocities and triumphs that are beyond my comprehension. I'm overwhelmed by the immensity of the human experience and the minuscule part I play. It makes me feel insignificant, happily so.

Lately, I've been increasingly fascinated by how brave people can be. How that bravery takes shape in the most surprising ways; how fluid the concept of bravery is. It can be sharing your dreams and disappointments with strangers, even if you remain anonymous. It can be quitting your job; standing up for an injustice; just getting out of bed in the morning. Often, I wish I were bolder, braver. I wish I had the courage to take risks. I wish I could quit my job, move across the country, open my own business. But week after month after year, I smother my ambitions with fear and doubt. I wish I were brave. I wish I were more like El.

See, my best friend, El, is one of the bravest people I've ever met, in so many spectacular ways. I'm still in awe of her, ten years after we met (ten years!). Yesterday, she called me from Africa, where's she's on a solo (!!) five-week vacation, spanning several countries on that continent. She's gone on safari, seen elephants and lions and hyenas and zebras and wildebeests, gone bungee jumping, white water rafting, and quad biking, made friends with just about everyone she's met, and documented the whole thing via pictures and diary entries. She also got into a car accident the other day that fractured her skull. Now, if this were me, I'd get on the first flight home, then huddle in bed for a month feeling sorry for myself. Not El. She's already out of the hospital, upbeat, finalizing the details for the last leg of her trip. She refuses to let that experience derail her trip. Ever since I've known her, she's been fearless -- she faces challenges like she's already conquered them. I wish I were like that. I want to be brave.

But for now, I'll just focus on being grateful. It's enough.

Roach update / I'm weird

2008-08-07T10:44:00.003-05:00

Update on the roach situation: they were definitely coming from the pipes. I started closing off the drain every time I got out of the shower, and since then, I haven't seen a single roach in my bathtub. It's the only solution that's helped me regain a little peace of mind. Now when I'm ready to take a shower, I just run a little water and take the drain plug out, and if there are any roaches lurking in the drain pipe, they'll be washed down with the water. A little annoying, sure, but effective. And worth it.

Here's how weird I am, though: I've started wondering what the roaches are thinking/feeling. I keep imagining a little phalanx of roaches marching through the pipes, sending out scouts to look for a way out. And then I imagine one getting to the top, only to be bitterly disappointed by the barrier separating it from sweet freedom. And then I start to feel bad for the roach. Then I slap myself silly and remember how much I hate roaches, and remind myself that they're not sentient beings capable of feeling disappointment. Then I wonder if I'm normal.

Probably not. Oh well. At least I don't have a roach problem anymore.

Friday music recommendation #9

2008-08-01T13:01:00.003-05:00

I grew up listening to classic rock. Both my parents are music fanatics who were lucky enough to grow up during the '60s and '70s, the golden age of rock music, and the bands they listened to -- bands like Zeppelin, Cream, the Allman Brothers, The Who, Pink Floyd -- are bands I listen to, and love, today. So imagine my excitement when my brother introduced me to a band that sounds exactly like the best bands of the '70s. And then imagine my glee when I discovered that Robert Plant is a fan of this band (other fans? ZZ Top, Radiohead, Arctic Monkeys, and Metallica).

Enough preamble: if you aren't listening to The Black Keys already, now's your chance. I swear, this music is straight out of 1975, and I mean that in the best possible way. How two dudes from Akron, Ohio can channel such an authentic blues-rock sound three decades later is a happy mystery. Magic Potion and Thickfreakness are my favorites of their five studio albums so far, but I have a lot of listening ahead of me before I name a definitive favorite. Oh man, and you can tell they would put on such a kick-ass live show; I can't wait to see them in September.

Ok, I'm gushing here, but I am so smitten with this music. Check it out:

"Just Got to Be"

"Your Touch"

(Here's the same song, this time performed at the hands-down best record store in Nashville, Grimey's.)

"Stack Shot Billy"

"Strange Times"

"Set You Free"

20 albums I would own on vinyl if I had a record player

2008-07-31T14:46:00.001-05:00

1-9. Led Zeppelin, Led Zeppelin (1969), Led Zeppelin II (1969), Led Zeppelin III (1970), Led Zeppelin IV (1971), Houses of the Holy (1973), Physical Graffiti (1975), Presence (1976), In Through the Out Door (1979), Coda (1982)
10. Boston, Boston (1976)
11. The Beatles, With the Beatles (1963)
12. Ralph Vaughan Williams, Fantasia on a Theme of Thomas Tallis (any recording, really)
13. Sir Edward Elgar, Cello Concerto in E Minor, Op. 85 (1965 Jacqueline du Pré recording with the London Symphony)
14. Jimi Hendrix Experience, Are You Experienced (1967)
15. Johnny Cash, At Folsom Prison (1968)
16. Leonard Cohen, I'm Your Man (1988)
17. Nirvana, Nevermind (1991 - LP version only released in 1996 in a limited run)
18. Queen, Greatest Hits (1981 UK edition)
19. Simon & Garfunkel, Bridge Over Troubled Water (1970)
20. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Requiem Mass in D Minor (again, any recording would do)

I am me

2008-07-30T13:42:00.002-05:00

I am not "Sheila Adams," Identity Thief. "Sheila Adams" was cunning enough to steal my checking account number and driver's license number and manufacture his/her own checks with allll my personal information printed on them. I am not that enterprising. I am also not a stupid, petty thief who uses a shiny new checking account to write two checks for amounts under $100. Come on, "Sheila." Really? What kind of thief are you, anyway? Not that I'm ungrateful for your lack of thieving prowess, but still. Kinda lame, dontcha think?

So yeah, my identity was stolen, which is so rampant nowadays that I'm not even shocked, just annoyed. Luckily for me, the damage was minimal, and I'll get my money back. I'm very, very thankful for that. Some people aren't so lucky. It just makes me sick that this kind of thing is so prevalent. It's happened to quite a few people I know by now, and it doesn't give me much hope for humanity. This confirms it: people pretty much suck.

Except you. You're nice.

50 things to do before I die

2008-07-26T09:34:00.004-05:00

1. Own a hammock and swing in it all spring.
2. Plant and maintain a vegetable and herb garden.
3. Buy my own home, one with a front porch and a rocking chair and copious natural light.
4. Brew my own beer.
5. Drink Guinness at a pub in Ireland.
6. See Led Zeppelin perform live.
7. Travel to Greece and Italy. And Egypt and Morocco. And India and China. And Australia and New Zealand. And…ok, I’m stopping. But definitely Greece and Italy.
8. Open my business and make it wildly successful.
9. Become fluent in another language.
10. Play viola in an ensemble again (symphony, quartet, whatever).
11. Join a food co-op.
12. Actually take the time to learn yoga and apply its principles to my everyday life.
13. Learn how to ride a horse.
14. Sew an article of clothing.
15. Attend a Wimbledon tennis match.
16. Travel for a month straight…road trip, backpacking excursion, etc.
17. Send a message in a bottle.
18. Attend a musical performance in Vienna.
19. Plant a tree (preferably a fruit tree, in my own backyard).
20. Take a long train journey to somewhere exciting.
21. Spend my birthday / New Year’s in another country.
22. Ask someone out on a date.
23. Go on a rollercoaster tour of the US.
24. Get into peak physical shape just once.
25. Run or bike in a charity event.
26. Visit a blues bar in Chicago.
27. Attend a music festival like Coachella or Bonnaroo.
28. Photograph a rare bird.
29. Attend the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival with my mom.
30. Go on a California wine tour.
31. Visit Trinidad & Tobago.
32. Attend an opera performance at La Scala.
33. See an American Ballet Theatre performance in New York.
34. Walk through an Amazonian rain forest.
35. Memorize my 10 favorite poems.
36. Fall hopelessly in love, no second-guessing or hesitation.
37. Build something cool with my own two hands.
38. Watch a sunrise and sunset on the same day, preferably on a secluded coast somewhere.
39. Go to a major film festival (Cannes, Venice, Sundance).
40. Eat Indian food in India…Greek food in Greece…Lebanese food in Lebanon…etc.
41. Learn to tell a joke.
42. Visit Machu Picchu.
43. Learn to dance, once and for all.
44. Go to a Fancy Food Show.
45. Sell something I’ve made to someone who doesn’t know me.
46. Learn how to invest money wisely and actually, you know, do it.
47. Learn enough to navigate Photoshop on a basic level.
48. Teach a class.
49. Buy a significant piece of art.
50. Identify at least 50 things that make me happy, print them out, and refer to them any time I need a reminder.

Attention: fruit sticker manufacturers

2008-07-24T13:48:00.003-05:00

Dear fruit sticker manufacturers of America:

I applaud your efforts to help a clueless populace correctly identify produce - for all I know, this is boosting fresh fruit and vegetable consumption all across the land, and that's truly commendable. But MUST YOU make stickers that leave sticky residue behind, tear off precious fruit skin, and get under my fingernails every time? See, I happen to really like plum skin, and I've yet to encounter a sticker that peels off easily without taking a chunk of yummy fruit with it. What gives?

love,
me

Life isn't half bad

2008-07-23T13:12:00.005-05:00

Oh, don't you just love days where you're inexplicably buoyed by unseen forces and everything brings a smile to your face? I'm having one of those days today. Everything is making me happy. My car is shiny. I got to eat the most excellent Thai red curry and steamed dumplings from my favorite Asian restaurant. I'm knee deep in the best real-life love story I've read in a really long, long time, which is making my knees weak. The work day is half over. And my iPod is playing the best sequence of songs right now. You wouldn't think such small things could add up to perfect contentment, but you'd be wrong.

Other things making me happy:
--The thought of being in Portland a month from today
--My new red bamboo salad bowl

--The excellent salad we made last night in said bowl
--My new printer/scanner/copier
--Sunlight
--Plans I'm devising in my head for dinner tonight
--The promise of an awesome family get-together, complete with tamales, in just 3 days
--The lingering memory of that pink Prosecco I had weeks ago
--Unstoppable creativity

All in all, I'm feeling pretty charmed.

Vacation time!

2008-07-22T12:42:00.005-05:00

I'm going to Portland! I'm going to Portland!

This is very exciting.

Among other things, I'll get to partake of Oregon-brewed Rogue beer at the Rogue Distillery and Public House. Oh, and just take a gander at some of these beer-based menu items:

-Hazelnut ale bread
-Hummus made with Hazelnut Brown Nectar Ale and served with warm pita bread & veggies
-Saganaki (broiled Greek cheese) doused in Rogue Hazelnut Spice Rum and flamed tableside
-Beer cheese soup (made with Rogue Dead Guy Ale)
-"Haute" dog with caramelized onions and Rogue Creamery Oregon Blue Cheese, with house-made flavored ketchup and mustard on the side
-House-brewed root beer & root beer floats
-Rogue ale floats (you can choose their Chocolate Stout!)

And that's just a sampler. I think I might have to eat here a few times while I'm in Portland.

Other than Rogue, I want to try Stumptown coffee, visit Mattface's fish & chips place and tea shop and hat store, drink lots of Oregon wine, eat at Nate's favorite Mediterranean place, visit a farmer's market, walk lots and lots, maybe go on a hike, drive out to the coast, take tons of photos, see some redwoods, maybe check out a local band, go to the zoo, and walk around the Japanese gardens. I'll be there for a week -- do you think I can fit all that in?

Above all, I'm really excited to eat and drink in Portland -- food is not just fuel there. It's local, it's seasonal and fresh, and it's crafted with care and pride. Did you know that chef/author James Beard, the "father of American gastronomy," grew up in Portland? He's had a profound effect on the way people think about food all over the world, and his legacy lives on in Portland, from what I understand. Plus, all the local hand-crafted beer and wine? I'm swooning.

August 26th can't get here fast enough!

Movie haikus

2008-07-21T15:33:00.005-05:00

Haikus based on movies I've seen recently:

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
Suck it, Brian Kuh.
And you too, Billy Mitchell.
Steve Wiebe is king!

The Dark Knight
Posthumous Oscar?
Absolutely merited.
I got teary-eyed.

WALL*E
Sweet AND nutritious.
Pixar employs geniuses,
unlike some (Disney).

Very yeah

2008-07-18T13:38:00.004-05:00

I'm on Day 5 of a 21-Day Cleanse program, and so far, it's kicking my willpower in the nards. Hard. It requires me to eat nothing but fresh vegetables and fruits, at least half of them raw, and to completely cut out sugar, caffeine, alcohol, beans, nuts, wheat, dairy, and my will to live. This is harder than it seems on first appearance, and I'm no stranger to detox diets, fasts, and other extreme short-term tests of mettle. For some reason, I'm struggling to control some rather intense cravings this time. For god's sake, even fucking Wendy's commercials are making me hungry! That's a dire situation, folks. If you know me, you know how I feel about fast food. Ick. But seriously, all I want is to dive face first into a vat of pizzas. And then mainline Guinness and ice cream and chips for about two weeks straight.

The whole reason for the cleanse was to get me back into the habit of eating healthier, to reach for more vegetables and fruits and fewer delicious, salty chips and foamy beers. You know, get more nutrients, yada yada yada. I don't have to see this whole thing through to accomplish that. But now that I've started, I feel like I can't quit. I hate being a quitter! I want to feel strong and capable, even if it is just for completing a 3-week program. It's a pride & determination thing, and sometimes I hate it to death. I'm stubborn. And whiny.

At least one amusing thing has resulted from all of this. I went to the cafeteria at work today to buy a salad since I was too lazy to prepare one this morning, and I ran into my favorite caf employee, Kevin. Now, Kevin is a big stinkin' flirt, and he always makes a point to lay it on thick (suddenly wondering where that expression comes from...) when I come in. Today was no exception. I asked if they had any olive oil & balsamic vinegar for my salad, he asked why, I briefly explained the cleanse thing. Here's the rest of the conversation:

K: That sounds like a good plan. Not that you need it. You're looking...yeeeeeeaaahhh...these days. [Gives me a very slow, deliberate head-to-toe-and-back onceover. Twiceover? Who knows.]
Me: I look...yeah? Really?
K: Oh, very yeah. Believe me. [Leers.]

Now that's how you woo a lady, guys.

Friday music recommendation #8

2008-07-18T12:46:00.004-05:00

Ahh, The Fratellis. I remember when I first heard "Flathead" and "Henrietta" and got that warm, happy, giddy feeling of hearing good, infectious music for the first time and knowing somehow that you're going to be listening to it for a long time to come. These guys make great, frenetic, fun songs that make you want to dance even though you really don't like to dance, and they're Scottish to boot. Gotta love an accent. Plus all the clapping and the "la la"s and "ahh"s make me grin so hard my face hurts.

They've only been performing since 2005, so they're a fairly new band, and they're really only well known in the UK, which is a bummer. Their song "Flathead" was in iPod ads for a while last year, but it failed to ignite their popularity here. For shame, America! Embrace the Fratelli magic! It'll make you feel good, I promise! Behold:

"Flathead"

"Henrietta"

"Creepin' Up the Backstairs"

"Cuntry Boys & City Girls" (yes, that's how they spell it)

"Ole Black 'n' Blue Eyes" (how cute is this video?!)

Also check out "For the Girl." And "Cigarello." And, hell, all of it. They're fun.

Parade of evil

2008-07-15T11:17:00.007-05:00

I have a problem. Specifically, a cockroach problem.

Specifically, roaches appearing in my bathtub just about every other day. You know what's a barrel of laughs? Pulling aside your shower curtain to see this beauty:

It's gotten so bad that I brace myself every time I have to take a shower, knowing I'll probably find a three-inch chunk of pure evil lurking there (note: measurement not inclusive of antennae length). If I didn't hate being dirty, I'd go on a shower strike.

The worst part? I don't know if they're coming from above or below. See, there's a light fixture above my tub. It has eerie, dark recesses, a perfect hiding place for stealthy critters. If they're coming from above, a roach could drop onto my head while I'm in the shower. I may never recover from something so unspeakably horrible. But they could also be coming from the drain. Then a roach might crawl up my leg while I'm showering. I'm not sure which option would be worse.

I think it's the drain, though. Any tips on eradicating vermin from your pipes? Anyone? Bueller?

Friday music recommendation #7

2008-07-11T12:19:00.010-05:00

Today's band -- Georgie James -- has only released one album, but you should definitely give it a listen. That album, Places, ended up being one of my very favorite albums of last year. I first heard their song "Cake Parade" on my friend Lauren's Myspace page and was instantly smitten; it's such a lovely, quietly devastating song. I don't normally post full song lyrics, but these get me every single time:

"The sun is up, looks like a perfect day
to put our soldiers on a cake parade
We can line them up and march them down the hall
where they can play at guns and we don't have to look at all

Another sailor sleeping well today,
another mother misses her lonely son's birthday
His bed is empty, not sure where he'd gone
with his All Stars and Nirvana t-shirt on

And if we try to raise their memory,
you know it makes no difference
They'll send our boys for boot camp fun
and teach them to be men

[CHORUS]
If the sun could shine on us always,
we'd go blind,
but for all the rain in sight
you know i wouldn't mind

The sun is gone, looks like a perfect day
to put our soldiers in an early grave
We can line them up and lay them on the lawn
with all their Purple Hearts and badges of courage on

And if we try to raise their memory,
you know it's only second best
to all the boys who never will,
who never will be men

[CHORUS]

If the sun could shine on us always,
we'd be fine,
and just to see him one more time,
you know i wouldn't mind

We'll send you hands of shining stars
so you can fill your pretty globe
and navigate the seashell graves
and safely
find your way home"

The rest of the songs on Places are pretty and poppy, the kind of music you listen to when you're in need of a pick-me-up. It's music to bop your head to, music that feels like all the best parts of spring and summer. You'll find great harmonies, upbeat tempos, and catchy melodies here -- nothing dark or depressing, I promise.

"Need Your Needs"

"Long Week"

"Look Me Up"

"Places"

You should also check out "More Lights" on their Myspace page -- it's another great song that I can't seem to find in full on YouTube.

Party observations

2008-07-07T11:52:00.003-05:00

I have 15 mosquito bites on my feet. I don't have mosquito bites anywhere but my feet. This perplexes me.

Raw chicken sitting in the sink for almost 24 hours will produce a most unpleasant odor.

When one hosts one's family, one should not expect to step in blue gum the next morning.

Good friends will talk to your drunk, hopelessly lost brother for 20 minutes to guide him back to your house.

Sometimes, the quiet, conservative one will surprise you by smoking the hookah.

Good music unites. Drunk freestyle rap divides.

Fresh dog shit will end a game of frisbee in a hurry.

Funny Games

2008-07-02T10:54:00.025-05:00

I can't in good conscience recommend that anyone see this movie...but I'm kind of glad I did. Quick plot recap: a family arrives at their summer home and are visited by two pleasant, well-mannered young men asking to borrow some eggs. Soon, the visit becomes uncomfortable, and then downright terrifying as the visitors take the family hostage and play a series of sadistic games with them.

These two polite psychos are among the scariest villains I've seen on screen, never losing their cool as they humiliate and torture their victims. Every sick act of violence and sadism is treated so casually, so cavalierly, that the assailants and their prey seem to be in two different films altogether. At one point, one of the guys goes to get a snack as the other plays a game to determine which family member he'll kill next. They act alternately wounded and bemused when the family refuses to cooperate with their "games" or tries to escape. They even break the fourth wall to address the audience and invite them to participate in the action.

I'm still not entirely sure what I think about the movie. On one hand, it was extremely well done -- the acting was fantastic, and Haneke ratcheted up the tension and horror so expertly that I found myself holding my breath for what felt like half the movie. It's not at all predictable; in fact, it twists every horror-movie convention into something unexpected. There's almost no music, which makes the experience of watching the film even more horrifying. Oh, and all the violence takes place off screen, so the screams and other reactions of the characters are your only indication of what's happening.

On the other hand, what exactly is the point? Simply to provoke? Haneke says that he's mocking American cinema's lust for violence, how we're so desensitized to brutality on film that we don't even flinch at the vilest depictions of torture, humiliation, and death. We're a voyeuristic society; I'll accept that. But I didn't leave this film feeling like I'd learned a valuable moral lesson. I just felt scared and sick. It didn't open my eyes to anything revelatory about the nature of entertainment. I'll still see -- and enjoy -- violent movies. I like to be scared; it's part of human nature to seek out taboos. I know how to differentiate between fiction and reality. I appreciate that Haneke is making me think about these things, but ultimately, Funny Games, for me, was just a really unsettling, disturbing horror movie.

I see what Haneke's trying to say, though -- look at all the crime procedurals and forensic shows on TV today, not to mention the glut of "torture porn" and other violent films cluttering theaters. They're predictable; we know how they're going to end for the most part. We feel safe watching these stories because we've come to expect a certain payoff (bad guys lose, good guys win) without having to correlate what we're seeing to real life. It's escapism, and it helps us ignore the real tragedies that are happening every day, where the good guys don't always win. Haneke says his intent is to manipulate, to make the audience aware that they are being manipulated. That's why he has his characters address the camera, why he actually rewinds the film at one point to change what you've just seen, why he flouts the conventions of horror movies by (spoiler!) killing the dog and the kid first. He wants to unsettle, and he most definitely succeeds.

I'm pretty sure that I ended up liking the film, though I didn't enjoy it at all. I think Haneke does succeed somewhat in delivering a slap in the face; it made me think, which is more than most horror movies can claim. I just don't think that the film has as much significance as he'd like to believe.

Friday music recommendation #6

2008-06-27T15:43:00.002-05:00

This Friday: The Decemberists. A friend put one of their songs, "The Engine Driver," on a mix CD for me ages ago, and despite really liking it, I didn't check out any of their other music for over a year. Shame on me! I finally bought The Crane Wife last year and love it, but I still haven't downloaded any of their other 3 albums. Shame on me again!

The Decemberists' music has a narrative quality - they like to tell stories, often weird ones, often using words that'll make you reach for your dictionary. They're multi-instrumentalists, too, so you'll find accordion, string bass, organ, piano, and melodica in addition to guitar, bass guitar, and drums. I don't really know how to describe their sound, so I think you should just listen for yourselves:

"When the War Came"

"The Perfect Crime #2"

"The Engine Driver"

"The Crane Wife 3"

Friday music recommendation #5

2008-06-20T13:42:00.004-05:00

I know I skipped a week -- sorry! Last week was a bit stressful, but this week has been slightly better, so I'm ready to highlight yet another band you may not have heard of yet. Meet My Morning Jacket.

I only found their music two weeks ago, but so far, I'm really excited about it. Right now, I'm partial to 2005's Z, but their newest album, Evil Urges (released June 10th) is wonderful, too. To me, they're kind of a hybrid of Radiohead, The Flaming Lips, and Wilco, which is interesting since those three bands' sounds differ so much. MMJ's music dabbles in all kinds of genres - rock, funk, pop, psychedelic, and country, just to name a few - and it's no wonder they're garnering so much critical acclaim. They're seriously talented guys. I'd love to see them live.

Their star is rising right now, with recent performances on Conan, Dave, and Saturday Night Live as well as sets at SXSW, Coachella, and Bonnaroo (where they played a four-hour set in the rain that has earned rave reviews from those who attended). From what I hear, they put on an amazing, balls-out, energetic live show. Apparently, they're even performing this New Year's Eve in Madison Square Garden.

Here are some of my favorite songs so far:

"Touch Me I'm Going to Scream Pt. 2" (performed in the back of a London taxi as part of the series Black Cab Sessions. The omnichord is freaking cool.)

"What a Wonderful Man"

"Evil Urges"

"Wordless Chorus"

"Dondante"

"Aluminum Park"

Laughing babies...dammit, I'm a marshmallow

2008-06-18T16:02:00.004-05:00

Okay, I know it's totally at odds with my cynicism, but I am a sucker for laughing babies. Especially the belly laughs. They're freaking adorable. MSN posted a gallery of a dozen or so laughing baby videos today; check it out below.

You know you want to.

I'd seen a couple of them before, and this one is hands-down my favorite:

Never fails to crack me up.

Songs I never skip

2008-06-18T12:33:00.004-05:00

....Well, almost never. There are certain songs that make me stop everything and listen, every time. Some are catchy, some are bluesy, some are sad, some are funny, some are just plain weird. Here are the top 10:

1) "Babe I'm Gonna Leave You" (Led Zeppelin) - this one is easy. It's my favorite song from my favorite band. That doesn't mean it's the best song ever, or the most profound...just my favorite. It's hypnotic, and it's devastating, and I love every second of it.

2) "Let Me Take You Home Tonight" (Boston) - I love singing the hell out of this song in my car. That's pretty much it. It's fun. That goes for pretty much every song on Boston's first album (especially "Peace of Mind").

3) "The Hat" (Ingrid Michaelson) - pure catchy joy, and bittersweet lyrics to underscore the lightness. I adore Ingrid. Her song "Die Alone" just slays me.

4) "Chariots Rise" (Lizzie West) - purely for its inclusion in one of my favorite movies, Secretary. This song plays during the film's brilliant, heart-achingly romantic denouement. I swoon every time. [Interesting fact: the original lyrics are "What a fool am I to fall so in love," but they were changed for the movie to "What grace have I to fall so in love." The song is gorgeous either way.]

5) "Let It Rain" (OK Go) - it's the "hallelujah"s. And the simple, yet somehow intricate-sounding guitar melody. I love irregular rhythms. And I love, love, love this band.

6) "Nothing Better" (The Postal Service) - I'm a sucker for a good male-female duet, and this one's a doozy. It's sad and wistful and sweet and like eavesdropping on an intimate conversation.

7) "Fireflies" (Rhett Miller & Rachael Yamagata) - another male-female duet, this one featuring two of my favorite singers singing to each other about youth, love, and letting go. Absolutely lovely.

8) "Somebody to Love" (Queen) - another one that I have to sing at the top of my lungs in my car. I love the theatricality of Queen's music. Freddie Mercury was a true star. And hey, can anybody find me somebody to love? Pretty please?

9) "Traffic and Weather" (Fountains of Wayne) - sexy and funny. FoW know how to paint a picture of the most absurd, random situation and make it hilarious and instantly identifiable. I mean, come on, "We belong together like traffic and weather"? That's ingenious!

10) "Jackie, Dressed in Cobras" (The New Pornographers) - I'm 85% sure that this is all gibberish, but the song is crazy and fun, and I sing along to every nonsensical word of it (that I can understand). Plus: more irregular rhythms!

Of course, these unskippable songs change every now and then, and I left off a bunch of songs that I enjoy pretty much every time they come up on Shuffle (such as "Marie Provost" (Nick Lowe), "Breathe Me" (Sia), "Can't Change Me" (Chris Cornell), "Creep" (Radiohead), "Suicidal Dream" (Silverchair), and "Miss Murder" (AFI)).

What songs make you stop and listen?

Portland

2008-06-17T14:06:00.005-05:00

Our friends N&J came over to the house last night, and even though I was bone-weary from shepherding new hires through orientation, I found their visit completely, unexpectedly exhilarating. I'd forgotten how fun it is to share -- ideas, good food, passions, ideologies, thoughts, plans, drinks, conversation, stories, recommendations. They're passionate, opinionated people with intriguing ideas and the capacity for boundless enthusiasm, and when all those qualities magically coalesce at the right time and in the right place, you have yourself a great fucking evening. I'm so grateful for nights like last night, when everyone leaves smiling and filled to the brim with positive energy. It's invigorating, and it makes me wistful for lapsed friendships and missed opportunities. We parted on the promises of a fall visit to Portland and a regular email exchange of recipes and book recommendations. (I've already made peace with my total nerdliness, so no need to comment.) Man, the stress of the last couple weeks was really getting me down, but there's no denying the restorative power of good company. Thanks, N&J!

In related news, it looks as though I have my major travel plans set for the next 12 months. Between this upcoming trip to Portland (in which I'll get to see the crazy awesome MATT! again), next May's trek to Florida to be one of Carley's bridesmaids, and the possibility of joining El on her cross-country adventure next summer, I'm feeling truly fortunate.

Starting Out in the Evening

2008-06-12T15:36:00.004-05:00

What a lovely, perfect movie. I fell deeper in love with it minute by minute, and the more I thought about it afterward, the more it resonated with me. The acting is fantastic, especially the performances by Frank Langella and Lili Taylor (though Lauren Ambrose and Adrian Lester are wonderful as well). The characters are complex and well-shaded, and the parallels between the two main stories are subtle, yet well drawn. It's heartbreaking, but simultaneously uplifting -- just a quiet, sad, intimate story that makes you think long after its conclusion.

The plot concerns an aging, frail novelist named Leonard Schiller whose works have slowly faded into obscurity over the years (in fact, they're mostly out of print). An ambitious, eager grad student named Heather, whose personal investment in Schiller's works has developed into something like infatuation, has decided to write her master's thesis on his novels, with the intent of reviving interest in his literary achievements. Meanwhile, Schiller's adult daughter struggles with her desire for children as she nears middle age and re-embarks on a relationship with a former lover who doesn't share her dreams.

What follows is a profound meditation on self-worth, happiness, hope, the indignities of age, the decline of the literary age, the nature of love, and the meaning of freedom. The characters' struggles are beautifully rendered and, most importantly, realistic. I particularly liked the honest portrayal of romantic relationships, which proved that love is not all you need. Love is a wonderful thing, but true compatibility is what really matters -- finding someone who's fundamentally right for you. I also really enjoyed the exploration of selfishness versus self-abdication, and that middle road of selflessness that you can occupy without giving up your sense of self. Kudos to Adrian Lester and Lili Taylor for fleshing out such an essential story.

Starting Over also highlighted the sad scarcity of literature in a world of instantaneous, mindless entertainment. There's such a small market for literary fiction these days; it seems like celebrity tell-alls and self-help books are the only books that sell. I love this movie for making literature feel essential again. It made me feel that thrill of discovery that great novels spark in me.

I wish more movies would strive for such emotional honesty and effortless storytelling. I'm all for mindless entertainment (Iron Man, for instance, which was hugely enjoyable), but there's something to be said for a film that sparks philosophical debates and also feels like having a warm, intimate conversation with a friend over hot cocoa.

A diatribe regarding concert etiquette

2008-06-09T13:12:00.009-05:00

Look, I think it's great that people still lose their minds over Led Zeppelin's music. The fact that a band like Zoso can pack the House of Blues and elicit screams of adoration from 10-year-olds and 60-year-olds alike speaks volumes about the impact Led Zeppelin has made on the world. I couldn't be more thrilled to be part of a shared experience built on my favorite band's legacy. I even love the ringing in my ears, the pain in my feet and calves, the exhaustion of standing for over 5 hours just for the chance to hear these legendary songs live. (You can sense a 'but' coming, can't you?)

But.

I do not appreciate people acting like lunatic assholes with a collective sense of entitlement. I don't like being shoved, grabbed, jostled, elbowed, and physically displaced. I don't like beer being spilled on my feet. I don't like the creepy stares of sleazy men. I don't think that going to a concert means I should expect to endure the jackass behavior of a bunch of rude, drunk, poorly behaved miscreants. Why is it considered the norm these days to experience physical and verbal abuse, a shower of questionable fluids, and fratty obnoxiousness at every concert you attend? What happened to people enjoying the music without actively trying to ruin the experiences of every other concertgoer? Is it really so difficult to respect other people's space, even in a crowded venue? Dozens of people around us seemed to manage just fine. In fact, if it weren't for the few cool people who just wanted to hear the music without accosting anyone else, I would have considered leaving.

And now for a few dedications:

To the guy in the red shirt who shoved his way to the front of the stage between sets: No, I don't want you to buy me a drink. Neither does your slutty girlfriend. Oh, and thanks for inviting the neverending chorus line of faux-lesbian tranny hookers to the party. They added so much to my concertgoing experience. You're truly a class act, sir.

To the guy at the end of the night: stumbling drunkenly into me as you lurch away from the bar is not an open invitation to further physical contact. Specifically, you don't have license to grab my crotch. Consider yourself lucky not to have a footprint in yours.

To the two middle-aged whores whose pitiful attempt to shove their way past us was thwarted by the 5 cool people at the concert: you are actually going to try to justify your shitty behavior? Seriously? Because you paid for a ticket, too? Well, clearly the hundreds of people behind you got in for free, right? You want to stand up front? GET HERE EARLIER. That's the way it works. Oh, and I'm pretty sure one of you is a man.

To the guy who's way too old to pull off the ironic hipster Buddy Holly glasses: stop it with the creepy grin. It does not make you look charming or interesting. It makes you look deranged, and like you have a secret dungeon in your house to which you lure unsuspecting victims.

To the SMU fucktards who predictably lost their shit when "Stairway to Heaven" started: I see you're toasting to the onset of puberty with your very first beers! How very exciting for you. I'm sad for every desperate, self-loathing girl who lowers her expectations enough to sleep with you.

And finally, to Zoso: you deserved better than the Future Frat Boys of America and Trannies on Parade. You were brilliant. If I ever get a chance to see you again, I'm there. With mace.

Friday music recommendation #4

2008-06-06T10:13:00.004-05:00

I'm sure everyone's heard at least one of Suzanne Vega's songs. "Tom's Diner" is the one most people know (fun fact: it's about Tom's Restaurant in New York, the same diner you see in Seinfeld), though "Caramel," below, is a close second.

"Caramel"

Highly literate music like hers appeals to the English major in me, I think (fun fact #2: Suzanne Vega was an English major, too). I like songs that draw you in to another world. Songs that tell interesting stories. And Suzanne's music doesn't rely on vocal embellishments or overly ornamental arrangements to capture your interest. For the most part, her songs are simply structured and straightforward; her voice is clear and distinct, without even vibrato to give it a stylistic flourish. It's incredible how the tiniest inspiration -- like a torn poster hanging from a wall, as in "Headshots" -- can become a fascinating vignette in her hands. Sometimes, listening to her music, I feel like I'm reading a book of short stories instead of listening to an album.

My favorite Suzanne Vega album -- the one I bought on a whim in a used bookstore 4 years ago -- is Nine Objects of Desire (check out "Stockings," "My Favorite Plum," and "Honeymoon Suite" for starters). 99.9F is also a great album (see the three songs below), and I'm liking her latest, Beauty and Crime, so far. I hope she keeps making unique music for many, many years.

"Blood Makes Noise"

In Liverpool

99.9 F

Observations

2008-06-01T20:18:00.007-05:00

To the lady gardening at 8pm on a Sunday: if you're going to bend over like that, maybe next time you should rethink wearing the see-through thong under your mom jeans. Mmmkay?

There's a car parked on my walking route that has "I [Heart] U" painted on the inside of the driver's window. Every time I pass by, I simultaneously fight the urge to retch and feel a little pang of loneliness.

I sunburned my knees today.

I keep missing the Old 97's when they come through Dallas. It bums me out.

However, next Saturday, I'm going to see Zoso: A Tribute to Led Zeppelin. That more than makes up for missing the Old 97's. Sorry, Old 97's, but Zeppelin wins every time.

The fabulous (newly engaged!) Carley will be bringing her charm, wit, and smartass sense of humor to Dallas this week. And I get an excuse to be all kinds of girly with her. Score!

My brain age is 24. Suck it, other nerds!

The Lost finale last week blew my mind 18 separate times.

We sold all our Bonnaroo tickets. I'm glad we sold them, and I'm happy to get some money back, but I'm still a little upset at the way things turned out. It would have been a fantastic trip.

Jay and I roasted coffee last weekend. From green coffee beans. On the stovetop. And we kicked ass.

I mowed the lawn last weekend, and I neither passed out nor hurled. In fact, I did a pretty damn good job. This shouldn't be newsworthy, but for my out of shape ass, it was a major accomplishment. Even though it's eleventy million degrees outside, I vow to get back in shape this summer. Who's with me?

Friday music recommendation #3

2008-05-30T11:44:00.004-05:00

How has it been a week already since my last recommendation? I know it was a short work week due to the holiday, but still! I'd like this whole 'passage of time' thing to take a little breather. It's bumming me out.

Today, I'm going to recommend a band I just discovered a couple months ago through a glowing review of their latest album, Lust Lust Lust. They're a Danish duo called The Raveonettes. Their sound is really interesting -- a lot of dark, sleepy vocals, pretty harmonies, and electronic noise. The songs are deceptively simple, repetitive and almost trance-like, but they're built so expertly that you find yourself completely enthralled. The arrangements are spectacular, sparse and sexy; this is great atmospheric music. It would most certainly be great mood music for an intimate party. Here are three of my favorite songs from Lust Lust Lust - enjoy!

"Aly, Walk With Me"

"Dead Sound"

"Lust"

Friday music recommendation #2

2008-05-23T12:04:00.006-05:00

Thanks to a song that came up on shuffle this morning, my planned Friday music recommendation had to be scrapped. Because of that song -- which almost made me forget that I was on my way to work -- I had to come here and give some love to one of my favorite bands of the last couple years. OK Go, please step into the spotlight.

Remember "Here It Goes Again," and the video with the treadmills? Oh, that's only the beginning of the awesomeness. I bought that album, Oh No, and couldn't stop listening to it for months. Then I discovered their first, self-titled album, and while it took me a little while to warm to it, I think I like it even better than their second now. How can you resist insanely catchy songs like "Don't Ask Me"? (Perfect for the dreaded morning commute!)

...or "Get Over It"?

...Then there's the unabashedly dorky dancing on "A Million Ways." I love that these guys don't take themselves too seriously. It's kinda hard these days to find artists who aren't annoyingly self-important.

I could add videos all day, but if you like what you hear here, check out "It's A Disaster," "Let It Rain," and "Crash the Party," too. And don't resist the urge to do a little dorky dance.

P.S. I Love You

2008-05-22T12:12:00.009-05:00

I finally watched P.S. I Love You last night, and as I predicted back in December, I cried like a big baby when I wasn't rolling my eyes. Gerard Butler was perfect, Jeffrey Dean Morgan was hot (and nude!), and Hilary Swank was...mostly annoying, actually. But the movie itself was pretty charming in a sappy, unrealistic kind of way. I did like that the main character (spoiler!) didn't end up with Harry Connick, Jr.'s stupid character - that was a nice surprise in a mostly formulaic film. Ooh, and James Marsters was in it! I've been rewatching Season 5 of Angel, so it was strange to hear his normal American accent in the movie.

The music and scenery were pretty great, too - I especially liked "Fairytale of New York" and "Galway Girl." And I'm still dying to take a long trip to Ireland and drink Guinness every single day. One of these years, I'll make it there.

"Fairytale of New York" (picks up around 1:30)

"Galway Girl"

I need a second opinion: have I gone crazy, or does Jeffrey Dean Morgan look exactly like Javier Bardem?

Hearts

2008-05-10T10:25:00.006-05:00

Lately, I've been happening upon heart shapes everywhere I go.

It makes me happy.

Even when it's just a rusty stain on my back patio.

Friday music recommendation

2008-05-09T13:44:00.004-05:00

Once I hear Fountains of Wayne's "Traffic and Weather," I can't get it out of my head for days. Probably because I usually listen to it at least twice in a row if it comes up on shuffle. I can't help it - it's so catchy, and funny, and kinda sexy. The live version below doesn't quite match the awesomeness of the album version, but it's definitely worth a listen (or three).

Go forth and seek out Fountains of Wayne -- from that same album, "New Routine," "Someone to Love," and "Strapped for Cash" are all great, and from their self-titled debut, I'd definitely recommend "Leave the Biker" and "You Curse At Girls." And of course, there's always "Stacy's Mom" if you're into that. Love these guys!

Self-love

2008-04-28T10:31:00.003-05:00

From Jezebel: 25 Things All Women Should Learn to Do. I especially like this one:

"Take yourself personally.Your persistent low self-esteem: how did it get that way? Were you awkward growing up? Not quick or witty enough? Just ugly? Once you gained a shred of confidence, did you blow your wad seeking out companions you knew would make you feel inadequate? Why? Think you're a narcissist? Or just a weak person? Guess what? We're all different. We're all completely individual assemblages of genetic traits and collected experiences. We're all special, which is precisely what makes us so un-special. If you harbor lingering dissatisfaction with yourself, figuring out what it is is a pretty good way to start coming to terms with that."

There's no greater gift you can give yourself than self-acceptance. And getting there takes a little work. That's why I'm glad I've been single for over 3 years. I've learned to be comfortable with myself; I've learned to love being alone. For me, that was essential -- I couldn't figure out why I was such an insecure, self-loathing mess until I realized that I was trying to be someone else. It took letting go of something destructive to realize that I could be happy without sacrificing who I am and what I want.

See, a few years ago, I was in a doomed relationship. I spent all my energy trying to pretend we weren't entirely wrong for each other, something I knew in the back of my mind but ignored from the very beginning. When it ended badly (as doomed love affairs tend to do), it broke me into tiny, painful pieces, and it took me a long, long time to heal. In some ways, I'm still healing -- I don't know that I'll ever get over that first real betrayal, my first heartbreak. But you know what? I wouldn't go back and change anything, as much as it makes me cringe to remember how pathetic I was. I took so much away from that experience, and as cheesy as it sounds, I'm a much stronger person now. If I hadn't gone through that pain, I probably wouldn't have accomplished half of the things I've done since. Once I woke up from the delusion and realized that I was free to be whoever the hell I wanted to be, flaws and all, it allowed me to be creative again, to try new things, to take some chances. Now, most of the time, I actually like myself. Sure, there are still a lot of things I want to work on, but without the constant self-doubt and self-hatred dogging me, I'm a lot better positioned to conquer those lingering demons and bad habits.

So there you have it: doomed relationships have a silver lining! And if there's any advice I can give my brother right now, it's this: don't fight the pain. Let it come, let it suck, because it will. But know that when the worst of it has passed, it's left you with a whole mess of wisdom. It's up to you to sort through that heap o'knowledge and use it for your own good.

15 years ago

2008-04-25T14:58:00.004-05:00

Ohhh wow. Footage of Radiohead's performance of "Creep" on the very first Late Night with Conan O'Brien show. This is what's missing from the majority of performers today - total immersion in their music, the complete fucking brilliance of letting go and becoming possessed with the spirit of the song. It's so...genuine, for lack of a better word. It has nothing to do with images, or products, or sales, or money, or sex (though it's certainly sexy seeing Thom Yorke perform with total abandon, fearless and powerful. You can't deny the man is talented, even he isn't to your taste). It's organic and entirely mesmerizing.

Men in Trees

2008-04-23T11:03:00.005-05:00

Callie loves to bark at everything that moves. Children exiting school buses, construction workers, men, women, dogs, cats, squirrels...nothing escapes her notice. I've tried to break her of this bad habit to no avail, and have finally just learned to accept it. Since we've been in the house, she's gotten even worse (more windows! more street traffic!), and it's a bit exasperating. Until yesterday.

I was talking on the phone with my dad and decided to run out and grab the mail. As usual, Callie darted out as soon as the door opened. Normally, this is fine - she stays in the yard and comes back in once I call her. But this time, a man was passing by on the sidewalk, and Callie, startled, immediately ran toward him, barking hysterically. Now, I can understand feeling a bit panicked if a strange dog is hurtling toward you with apparent menace (even if that dog weighs all of 25 pounds). I tried to reassure the man that Callie doesn't bite, that she just sounds mean, she's really a very sweet dog...but it was too late. The man had already panicked. And jumped into our tree.

Jumped INTO OUR TREE. Not only that, but was trying to claw his way up. While shaking a stick at my dog. I don't know how I held it together long enough to get Callie into the house, but as soon as I did, I laughed until I cried. Here's a crude representation of the event (ignore the pathetic attempt at drawing in Word):

Oh, I will cherish these memories forever.

Spring

2008-04-15T12:52:00.010-05:00

I don't do New Year's resolutions anymore. Frankly, I find the idea of them somewhat depressing, not to mention wholly uninspiring. Who wants to commit to better living in the dreary gray of January, with the excesses of the holidays still casting long, guilty shadows? If I'm going to resolve anything at all, I much prefer spring resolutions. Resolutions made in March or April have so much more vitality and positive energy; I feel as though I can do anything with the warm vibrancy of spring cheering me on. No offense to winter and its cozy comforts, but spring is the season I covet year-round. There's nothing better than this light to inspire you, to lighten your mood. Spring brings out the optimist in me.

I like the idea of making a commitment to yourself; there's something sort of romantic and decadent about self-promises, even if they're never realized. I'm getting to a point again where I want to invest in myself, to see just how much I'm capable of accomplishing, and it's kind of exciting. There are few things more thrilling than ideas, harnessing that creative force that demands innovation, invites experimentation, and imagines perfection. I love the process of creation. I love feeling the effortlessness of inspiration. It's come to me so rarely in the last several years.

I've made a lot of promises to myself so far. I'm going to read at least 15 books this year, for instance. That's brought both joy and an unexpected peace - I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed reading for hours at a time. I've read four books so far this year, and I'm nearly finished with a fifth. I've also resolved to treat my body with more respect, and that means starting to exercise again and eating a more balanced diet. My mind is spinning with all the things I want to accomplish in this vein, and I'm actually kind of excited about working out at home. I miss the feeling of accomplishment and defiance after a good workout. And lord knows I love a challenge in the kitchen. More salads, methinks. God, there are so many things I want to accomplish this year!

Above all, though, I want to stay positive. For me? Not an easy task. I tend toward pessimism. It's been passed down through generations of women in our family, and it's something we have to struggle with every day. In the past, I've given myself over to frustration, depression, and anxiety willingly, taking a sick pleasure in indulging those negative emotions. I've been morose, hopeless, and adrift more than I'd like to admit, and haven't done much more than complain about it. I don't know when or how or why, but I finally decided to snap out of it and stop taking such a dismal view of the world. There are too many things to treasure in my life, and realizing - really understanding - how truly fortunate I am has been shocking, in the best way. I'm not sunny and cheerful 100% of the time - nor would I want to be - but I've found it extremely liberating to focus intently on the positive. At least once a day, no matter how I feel, I force myself to smile, or to laugh at something absurd or frustrating. So far, it's been wonderful. I can't wait to see how much my life will improve just through the simple act of embracing happiness in each of its tiny incarnations. And especially now that I'm in the house, I have a feeling there's a lot more joy coming to me if I'm willing to look for it.

I'm finally ready to love life, to love my life. I'm in a good place.

Death x2

2008-03-31T11:43:00.005-05:00

Universe, are you finished? We're crying uncle here. Enough with the buckets of pain, ok?

It's been an emotional couple of weeks for the people I love, and I sincerely hope that things level out soon, because I don't think we can take much more stress in our lives. I feel a bit helpless, knowing that nothing I do can erase what's happened or take away the sting of grief. All I can do is listen, support, encourage, and give out hugs as needed. It's a trying time.

My grandmother, my dad's mom, passed away yesterday. It wasn't unexpected, but it's still difficult, especially for my dad. Gammie (as she insisted we call her) was my dad's only parent, and her death has affected him more than he thought it would. None of us were very close to her, but she's family, and it's strange to think that she won't be around anymore, making us laugh, inspiring stories we'll tell and re-tell for years to come. Now, we'll have to honor her memory by keeping those childhood recollections alive and trying, somehow, to understand her long, strange life. I'm glad she's not suffering anymore, and I can only hope that she's much happier now, reunited with her memories, no longer bound to a wasted body and mind.

We'll be traveling to Louisiana this week (my second trip to the state of my birth in as many weeks), and I don't quite know how we're going to feel at that funeral. I'm not grieving, exactly, but I'm sure the service will affect all of us somewhat. I think it's going to finally hit home that we're not teenagers anymore, that we have only a limited time left with our remaining grandparents and great-aunts and -uncles, and that is one scary thought. I'm not prepared for that onslaught of emotional hell. None of us is quite prepared. All we can do is treasure the time we have left and visit as much as we're able.

My mom already wrote about the other bad news we recently received, far more eloquently than I'm able, but I'll try to put my scattered thoughts into words. We found out last week, to everyone's shock, that my sweet younger brother will be going through the heartache of divorce after 21 months of marriage. I know he's devastated, and I wish I could absorb some of that pain and disappointment for him. The healing process is going to take a lot of time, and I just hope that he's not consumed with regret; that instead, he can eventually look back on their nearly 7 years together with some measure of gratitude and affection. I hope that he and Hannah can stay in each other's lives after the dust has settled and the pain and anger have dissipated somewhat. I hate to think that this lovely girl, whatever her faults, won't be a part of our lives anymore. Even though we weren't extremely close, I was so fond of her, and had so much hope for their relationship despite the odds. She and Michael essentially grew up together, and Hannah was a well-loved member of our family since they were both teenagers. It's hard to fathom her sudden absence. I can't begin to imagine how Michael is coping with the loss. I just want to hug him so tightly every time I see him.

I don't think we'll ever truly know what went wrong, or what, if anything, could have been done to prevent this split. Michael, bless him, is keeping the details private, and we will continue to respect his wishes. I think it's admirable, and Michael has a lot of integrity. He's young, but he's more mature than even he realizes. Strong, too, though he may not feel that way at the moment. I'm glad that he has an army of supporters to lean on; our family may have its faults, but we circle around each other with fierce love and unyielding support when one of our own is in pain. I just wish there were magical words that I could say to ease his suffering, but I know from experience that the healing process, though painfully slow, is essential - that Michael will come out on the other side with a better understanding of himself, with wisdom and maturity. Until then, he has us. I've never felt closer to my family, and as regrettable as the circumstances are, I'm grateful that we're united during this difficult time.