Friday, July 18, 2008

Very yeah

I'm on Day 5 of a 21-Day Cleanse program, and so far, it's kicking my willpower in the nards. Hard. It requires me to eat nothing but fresh vegetables and fruits, at least half of them raw, and to completely cut out sugar, caffeine, alcohol, beans, nuts, wheat, dairy, and my will to live. This is harder than it seems on first appearance, and I'm no stranger to detox diets, fasts, and other extreme short-term tests of mettle. For some reason, I'm struggling to control some rather intense cravings this time. For god's sake, even fucking Wendy's commercials are making me hungry! That's a dire situation, folks. If you know me, you know how I feel about fast food. Ick. But seriously, all I want is to dive face first into a vat of pizzas. And then mainline Guinness and ice cream and chips for about two weeks straight.

The whole reason for the cleanse was to get me back into the habit of eating healthier, to reach for more vegetables and fruits and fewer delicious, salty chips and foamy beers. You know, get more nutrients, yada yada yada. I don't have to see this whole thing through to accomplish that. But now that I've started, I feel like I can't quit. I hate being a quitter! I want to feel strong and capable, even if it is just for completing a 3-week program. It's a pride & determination thing, and sometimes I hate it to death. I'm stubborn. And whiny.

At least one amusing thing has resulted from all of this. I went to the cafeteria at work today to buy a salad since I was too lazy to prepare one this morning, and I ran into my favorite caf employee, Kevin. Now, Kevin is a big stinkin' flirt, and he always makes a point to lay it on thick (suddenly wondering where that expression comes from...) when I come in. Today was no exception. I asked if they had any olive oil & balsamic vinegar for my salad, he asked why, I briefly explained the cleanse thing. Here's the rest of the conversation:

K: That sounds like a good plan. Not that you need it. You're looking...yeeeeeeaaahhh...these days. [Gives me a very slow, deliberate head-to-toe-and-back onceover. Twiceover? Who knows.]
Me: I look...yeah? Really?
K: Oh, very yeah. Believe me. [Leers.]

Now that's how you woo a lady, guys.

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