Getting it right

Yesterday was the 36th anniversary of the Roe v. Wade decision. As a woman, I've spent the past 8 years feeling a bit apprehensive in light of the previous administration's attempts to undermine or outright abolish women's rights, so it's with no small measure of relief that I read President Obama's words on the subject. I think the women of this nation can breathe a collective sigh of relief now. For the first time in my life, I feel supported and valued by my country's leadership; it's an indescribably wonderful feeling.

Obama's agenda with regard to women is not only about reproductive choice. His administration has compiled a comprehensive set of goals whose purpose is to bolster women's rights in almost every imaginable way. I hope that most of these initiatives see the light of day during his time in office. Particularly, I'd like to see sex education reinstated in schools that teach abstinence only. I'd also love to see pay inequity addressed and remedied once and for all (I can dream!). And I'm so happy that President Obama is a proponent of ethical stem cell research (see below). I think that our country is capable of making some huge strides under his administration, some that are long overdue, and I pray that he gets the opportunity to set them in motion, at the very least.

Supporting Stem Cell Research: President Obama and Vice President Biden believe that we owe it to the American public to explore the potential of stem cells to treat the millions of people suffering from debilitating and life-threatening diseases. Obama is a co-sponsor of the Stem Cell Research Enhancement Act of 2007, which will allow research of human embryonic stem cells derived from embryos donated (with consent) from in vitro fertilization clinics. These embryos must be deemed in excess and created based solely for the purpose of fertility treatment.

In short, I'm more excited about this presidency than any in my lifetime. In fact, I'm downright giddy!

Self-love

From Jezebel: 25 Things All Women Should Learn to Do. I especially like this one:

"Take yourself personally.Your persistent low self-esteem: how did it get that way? Were you awkward growing up? Not quick or witty enough? Just ugly? Once you gained a shred of confidence, did you blow your wad seeking out companions you knew would make you feel inadequate? Why? Think you're a narcissist? Or just a weak person? Guess what? We're all different. We're all completely individual assemblages of genetic traits and collected experiences. We're all special, which is precisely what makes us so un-special. If you harbor lingering dissatisfaction with yourself, figuring out what it is is a pretty good way to start coming to terms with that."

There's no greater gift you can give yourself than self-acceptance. And getting there takes a little work. That's why I'm glad I've been single for over 3 years. I've learned to be comfortable with myself; I've learned to love being alone. For me, that was essential -- I couldn't figure out why I was such an insecure, self-loathing mess until I realized that I was trying to be someone else. It took letting go of something destructive to realize that I could be happy without sacrificing who I am and what I want.

See, a few years ago, I was in a doomed relationship. I spent all my energy trying to pretend we weren't entirely wrong for each other, something I knew in the back of my mind but ignored from the very beginning. When it ended badly (as doomed love affairs tend to do), it broke me into tiny, painful pieces, and it took me a long, long time to heal. In some ways, I'm still healing -- I don't know that I'll ever get over that first real betrayal, my first heartbreak. But you know what? I wouldn't go back and change anything, as much as it makes me cringe to remember how pathetic I was. I took so much away from that experience, and as cheesy as it sounds, I'm a much stronger person now. If I hadn't gone through that pain, I probably wouldn't have accomplished half of the things I've done since. Once I woke up from the delusion and realized that I was free to be whoever the hell I wanted to be, flaws and all, it allowed me to be creative again, to try new things, to take some chances. Now, most of the time, I actually like myself. Sure, there are still a lot of things I want to work on, but without the constant self-doubt and self-hatred dogging me, I'm a lot better positioned to conquer those lingering demons and bad habits.

So there you have it: doomed relationships have a silver lining! And if there's any advice I can give my brother right now, it's this: don't fight the pain. Let it come, let it suck, because it will. But know that when the worst of it has passed, it's left you with a whole mess of wisdom. It's up to you to sort through that heap o'knowledge and use it for your own good.

A soft cotton t-shirt and silk underwear

Did you know that it's the 10th anniversary of V-Day?

I went to the Vagina Monologues last night for the first time since my freshman year of college, and holy shit, I had forgotten how sobering, thought-provoking, harrowing, and hilarious the show can be. How powerful it is to sit in an audience of hundreds who are all united against violence toward women. The communal spirit of the crowd is infectious, and you can't help but break into spontaneous applause, cheer and voice affirmations, or tear up at various points during the evening. The experience of being at that show is chilling, profound. I never feel more like a woman, more powerful and proud, than I do at the Monologues. There's such a sense of community, of love and security and fierce loyalty. Of belonging. There are no taboos, no inhibitions, no fear. It's a wonderful place to be, and for just a few hours, you can embrace everything it means to be a woman without judgment, without feeling the pressure of puritanical society to keep it all to yourself. You can celebrate, loudly. Hell yes, you can celebrate.

If only all women could join in that celebration.

Did you know that one out of every three women will experience violence during her life, usually perpetrated by someone she knows? That female genital mutilation is still practiced in over 30 countries on at least 4 continents? Up to 2 million girls each year are subjected to this barbaric ancient ritual, whose justification is primarily to "preserve a family's honor" and make a girl "suitable for marriage." It's fueled by ignorance, fear, and a patriarchal abuse of power that's as prevalent today as it was thousands of years ago.

Did you know that scores of women in India and other countries have had acid thrown in their faces to punish them, often by jealous or jilted suitors? That female infanticide is still commonplace in China, India, and Korea? That in the Middle East and North Africa, "honor killings" are committed by family members of women suspected of sexual activity outside of marriage? God, and that's not even the tip of the damn iceberg. It's horrific.

As the mission of V-Day states:

• V-Day is a vision: We see a world where women live safely and freely.
• V-Day is a demand: Rape, incest, battery, genital mutilation and sexual slavery must end now.
• V-Day is a spirit: We believe women should spend their lives creating and thriving rather than surviving or recovering from terrible atrocities.
  

This is for every woman I've known who has suffered violence in any form. This is for relatives, friends, acquaintances, friends of friends. This is for you.

And if you haven't seen the Vagina Monologues? Make a point to check out a performance sometime; it's truly eye-opening. If you're a woman, be prepared to think about your vagina in an entirely new way. The show actually makes you wonder -- if your vagina could talk, what would it say? What would it wear? I promise, by the end of the show, you'll be really comfortable with the word "vagina." To hell with everyone who judges you for it.

Remember:
V-Day is a process: We will work as long as it takes. We will not stop until the violence stops.
V-Day is a day. We proclaim Valentine's Day as V-Day, to celebrate women and end the violence.
V-Day is a fierce, wild, unstoppable movement and community. Join us!